10 Most Disappointing Products of 2016

I enjoyed auxiliary beauty's post on this theme so much that I decided to write my own. After all, complaining is one of my hobbies. When I tried to come up with a list of last year's shittiest shit, I ended up with an even 10, so that's satisfying.

Some of these things aren't bad products, exactly, but they were let-downs for me. Others are just straight up garbage. I've reviewed them all in the past (again with the complaining hobby--such a good motivator!), so I'll just give a brief comment here and link to the previous post. Here are the products that bummed me out in 2016, in no particular order:

1. Maybelline Color Tattoo in Vintage Plum

Vintage Plum may be one of the worst makeup products I've ever bought in my entire life. Patchy and unusable. It was all the more disappointing because the color was so perfect for me. Reviewed here.

2. Freeman Honeydew & Chamomile Sleeping Mask

Not only did this stuff break me out (which probably wouldn't happen for everyone who used it), it caused a burning sensation on parts of my face and had a horribly strong fake melon stench. Reviewed here.

3. Milani Color Statement Lipstick in Matte Luxe

It's not a good color for me, which obviously isn't the lipstick's fault. But the fact that it somehow just would not adhere to the surface of my lips? For that I blame Milani. Reviewed here.

4. Makeup Geek Matte Eyeshadow in Fairytale

This isn't a terrible eyeshadow, exactly, it just wasn't the color I was looking for (my fault) and the performance was mediocre at best, so for my first order from Makeup Geek, it was a let-down. Especially when compared to their excellent duochromes. Reviewed here.

5. L.A. Girl Pro Conceal HD Concealer

This concealer also wasn't awful, but I had high expectations after reading so many rave reviews claiming that it is one of the most effective and opaque concealers available at the drugstore. It was just average. Reviewed here.

6. Hard Candy Metallic Mousse Lip Color in Smoke & Mirrors

Ok, so this made my mouth look like a robot's butthole. That's the nature of metallic liquid lipsticks. The bigger problem was that the color of the product in the tube was completely different from the color on my lips. Reviewed here.

7. Wet N Wild (Reformulated) ColorIcon Blush in Pearlescent Pink

It's a fine blush. But I was really disappointed to find that it's a totally different color from the original Pearlescent Pink, which is a favorite of mine. In fact, it's not even very pink at all. Reviewed here.

8. Stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Liner

Another product that just didn't live up to the hype for me, considering so many people consider it a holy grail liner. Not only did it not "stay all day," the tip became completely frayed and unusable while there was still a lot of product left. Reviewed here.

9. e.l.f. 3-in-1 Mascara

A photo posted by Lyn (brutally honest beauty) (@brutallyhonestbeauty) on Apr 17, 2016 at 1:36pm PDT

This one is a little different, because I had used and loved this product before. But I bought the mascara above last spring, and it was so dried up that the brush got stuck in the tube the first time I opened it. When I tried to exchange it, I found four more tubes that were the same. The fifth brush actually came out, but when I got it home, it was still so dry that I was only able to use it a handful of times. I don't know if my CVS just had particularly old stock (but the e.l.f. display hadn't been around long) or what, but I'm not going to take my chances with this stuff again. Too bad, because it's not easy to find a tubing mascara for less than $5!

10. Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Poe

Does it count as a disappointment if I knew the stuff was going to be bad, but I bought it anyway? I don't regret buying this lipstick, but it sure is a pain in the ass to apply. Reviewed here.

I'm not sure there are any real lessons to be learned here. Sure, several of these were impulse purchases, but several had been carefully researched, and some I had even owned (in one form or another) before! Some were very cheap, but others were not cheap at all. Shrug?

What were your biggest duds last year?

Why did no one tell me that Maybelline Color Tattoo in Vintage Plum sucks so much?

Disclosure: Affiliate links.

I picked this up semi-impulsively at CVS a few weeks ago. By which I mean that I'd thought about buying it before and then once CVS had some kind of sale, I grabbed it without doing any further research. I remembered reading mostly positive reviews of the Leather collection of Color Tattoos, though some reviews mentioned that a couple of the shades were a little streaky. Really, I should have looked up reviews before I bought this, but in this case, I don't think it would have saved me much grief. Most of the reviews I have subsequently found are rather glowing ("must have!"), though if I had encountered this particular review of Vintage Plum, I might have given it a second or third thought. Because this eyeshadow is straight up garbage.

Either there are variations in the quality of Vintage Plum, other people have magic powers, or . . . I won't say, but you can probably guess what I think the real reason for the positive reviews of this crap is. It's so streaky that it's utterly impossible to use. I don't think it would make a lot of difference whether you have a different skin type, because it's almost as streaky swatching on my arm, which is not oily like my eyelids--but I'd be interested to hear if anyone has made this work.

I read some suggestions that Vintage Plum is similar to Tough as Taupe, but it's really not, either in color or in performance. Vintage Plum looks almost pinkish-taupe in the jar, but when you apply it, it's a greyed-out purple that's patchy as fuck. Tough as Taupe, even from my pot that is a couple of years old, is a smoothly-opaque taupe. It may look a little uneven in the swatch, but it's easy to blend out evenly on my eyelid. Vintage Plum, however, is a nightmare. Below is as good as I could get it to look. The photo was taken within minutes of application; it's not that the eyeshadow has worn off like this. This is how it went on.

This eyeshadow has a creamy texture in the pot, but becomes terribly patchy and streaky when I try to apply it. There's no way to make it work. The photo above is applied over primer, but it was the same without. It dries very quickly and then flakes, so it's hard to blend--when I try, it rubs right off. Yet despite setting quickly, it nevertheless disappears in patches after it dries like some overly creamy products do. If I try to just apply a light wash, it's still streaky and it balls up when I blend it out. If I try to add a second layer, it removes the first layer and gets even more patchy. I suppose some people might use this as a base for other colors, but really what's the point? I don't want to cover it up. And I already use primer to intensify my eyeshadow, so an additional layer is unnecessary.

SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING.

It's especially frustrating, because I love love love the color. Many purples are too red for me, but this is very greyed out, while remaining definitely purple, not taupe or pink. If I ignore the mess, the color is really flattering on me. Of course that means I'm searching for dupes and having a hard time finding anything comparable. Urban Decay Cult looks like a real possibility, but it's discontinued. As is MAC Dove Feather. The taupe in my Wet N Wild Silent Treatment trio is not purplish enough. Laura Mercier Plum Smoke is too warm/brown. I guess Kryolan Dusk might work, but I don't know if I am ready to gamble $22 (with shipping) on an eyeshadow single. Help??

Not convinced

I know I said I was going to post something more substantial, and I'm working on it, but in the meantime how about something ridiculous? Look at this Aveeno ad featuring some kind of photoshopped Frankenstein monster with Jennifer Aniston's face. It's on the back cover of an Allure magazine I have, not even hidden subtly somewhere in the middle of the magazine like an abomination of this sort should have been. I'd hazard a bet that that is not Aniston's actual body. HER HEAD IS THE SAME HEIGHT AS HER ENTIRE TORSO. And the hair doesn't appear to belong to the same person, either, which is not ideal when you're dealing with a celebrity who is known for her hair. The fingers are freaky, and whoever this is was clearly not actually sitting on that cushion - either that or she is made of colorful air - because there is no indentation in it. Are the digital photo people not even trying anymore? Are they severely underpaid and overworked? I don't get it.

So if this is what happens to you when you rub that lotion on yourself, I think I'll pass.

Pretty Neutral: Revlon Lip Butter in Pink Truffle vs. Revlon Balm Stain in Honey

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.
Of all the products with bizarrely and needlessly long names, Revlon ColorStay Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain is probably my favorite (swatches of all the ones I own here). Of all the neutral lip colors I've ever tried, Revlon Color Stay Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain (*deep breath*) in Honey is definitely my favorite. Most beigey or browny neutrals wash me out, but Honey is a really flattering rosy neutral that totally works for me. I wouldn't call it "my lips but better," since my lips are naturally more of a pink than a neutral. Instead, I would call it a neutral that makes my lips look awesome - not invisible - and is totally appropriate for professional occasions when I need to look polished but not too made up. My go-to job interview lip shit.

My second favorite Revlon products are the ColorBurst Lip Butters. They're comfortable and easy to use and wear. So when Pink Truffle came out a while back, looking intriguingly similar to Honey, I thought maybe it would be worth adding a sort of dupe in a different formula to my hoard. (I'd tried something like that once before with the ColorBurst Matte Balm in Elusive and failed, but you have to admire my perseverance, right? Right?) So how do Pink Truffle and Honey compare?

Swatches of Revlon Balm Stain in Honey (left) and Revlon Lip Butter in Pink Truffle (right)

TheBalm's 50% off sale extended until 10 am PST tomorrow

Because their servers couldn't handle the traffic. Of course.

I was going to review some ULTA sunscreen that's pretty good . . .

But it seems like it's been discontinued. I got it in the spring, but it's no longer listed on their website. Maybe it's just temporarily out of stock.

Anyway, if you see something called ULTA Sun Faces Clear Complexion Sunscreen Lotion SPF 30 in an ULTA store, it's worth trying. It's easy to apply, comfortable to wear, and dries quite matte. Like the Neutrogena stuff, but better and cheaper ($5). Not as good as my favorite sunscreen, but much less expensive.

A failed quest

In what I'm sure was an excellent use of my time, yesterday alone I went to three CVSs, two ULTAs, one Walgreens, one Bed Bath and Beyond and one Meijer looking for that fucking limited edition Maybelline Color Tattoo (Seashore Frosts). Nothing. I mean I found a bunch of the displays and all of the other colors, but not that one. Boo. So I guess that's not happening.

Anyone so lucky as to find it? Is it worth it? I'm not searching any more, because I have better things to do. And no car. It's mostly the car thing, let's face it.

Save Your Face Review: Cetaphil Dermacontrol Oil Control Moisturizer with SPF 30

I'm on a mission to find the best possible replacement for my beloved, discontinued sunscreen, and this was my first attempt. Verdict? Fail. And here's why . . .

Julep fail

So I got the Julep Box I posted about recently, and I think it was a mistake. I’m not going to be buying any more from them.

The America glitter is pretty cool, but it’s super thick and goopy. Hard to put on, and feels like shit on your nails. The Kate shade, which is pearly white, is as blah as I expected. The Daphne (sea foam green) shade, looks nothing like the photo. Or I mean, it’s green, but it’s much darker and dustier than the photo. I understand that monitors can be calibrated differently, but they also sent me a little slip with instructions for a manicure using this color, and putting the printed photo next to the bottle shows that the photo isn’t right at all. So annoying. I haven’t tried Mila (charcoal, multi-colored glitter) yet, but it also doesn’t look like the photo. It basically looks like silver with a little holo or color, not charcoal. 

So anyway, won’t be giving Julep my money again. (I was just as disappointed with my intro box.)

ETA: Okay, I just swatched these, and yes, all of the above stands. Daphne is not “bright” or minty, like it looks in the photo. Mila is in no way “charcoal”. It actually seems like the people who write the product descriptions do so based on the photos, rather than by looking at the actual products, so you end up with both inaccurate photos and inaccurate descriptions.