Why did no one tell me that Maybelline Color Tattoo in Vintage Plum sucks so much?

Disclosure: Affiliate links.

I picked this up semi-impulsively at CVS a few weeks ago. By which I mean that I'd thought about buying it before and then once CVS had some kind of sale, I grabbed it without doing any further research. I remembered reading mostly positive reviews of the Leather collection of Color Tattoos, though some reviews mentioned that a couple of the shades were a little streaky. Really, I should have looked up reviews before I bought this, but in this case, I don't think it would have saved me much grief. Most of the reviews I have subsequently found are rather glowing ("must have!"), though if I had encountered this particular review of Vintage Plum, I might have given it a second or third thought. Because this eyeshadow is straight up garbage.

Either there are variations in the quality of Vintage Plum, other people have magic powers, or . . . I won't say, but you can probably guess what I think the real reason for the positive reviews of this crap is. It's so streaky that it's utterly impossible to use. I don't think it would make a lot of difference whether you have a different skin type, because it's almost as streaky swatching on my arm, which is not oily like my eyelids--but I'd be interested to hear if anyone has made this work.

I read some suggestions that Vintage Plum is similar to Tough as Taupe, but it's really not, either in color or in performance. Vintage Plum looks almost pinkish-taupe in the jar, but when you apply it, it's a greyed-out purple that's patchy as fuck. Tough as Taupe, even from my pot that is a couple of years old, is a smoothly-opaque taupe. It may look a little uneven in the swatch, but it's easy to blend out evenly on my eyelid. Vintage Plum, however, is a nightmare. Below is as good as I could get it to look. The photo was taken within minutes of application; it's not that the eyeshadow has worn off like this. This is how it went on.

This eyeshadow has a creamy texture in the pot, but becomes terribly patchy and streaky when I try to apply it. There's no way to make it work. The photo above is applied over primer, but it was the same without. It dries very quickly and then flakes, so it's hard to blend--when I try, it rubs right off. Yet despite setting quickly, it nevertheless disappears in patches after it dries like some overly creamy products do. If I try to just apply a light wash, it's still streaky and it balls up when I blend it out. If I try to add a second layer, it removes the first layer and gets even more patchy. I suppose some people might use this as a base for other colors, but really what's the point? I don't want to cover it up. And I already use primer to intensify my eyeshadow, so an additional layer is unnecessary.

SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING.

It's especially frustrating, because I love love love the color. Many purples are too red for me, but this is very greyed out, while remaining definitely purple, not taupe or pink. If I ignore the mess, the color is really flattering on me. Of course that means I'm searching for dupes and having a hard time finding anything comparable. Urban Decay Cult looks like a real possibility, but it's discontinued. As is MAC Dove Feather. The taupe in my Wet N Wild Silent Treatment trio is not purplish enough. Laura Mercier Plum Smoke is too warm/brown. I guess Kryolan Dusk might work, but I don't know if I am ready to gamble $22 (with shipping) on an eyeshadow single. Help??