Deals and funny stuff

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It's a gloomy day here, so I thought I'd post some pleasant shit. First, here are some interesting sales/deals I've come across:

Juvia's Place will be back on Hautelook at 1 pm PST today. Good timing, since I just reviewed their Nubian palette last week.

I just bought two Stila eyeshadows singles from Hollar for $3 each, and they're great. I bought Diamond Lil and Golightly. (New customers also get $2 off a $10 order if you use my link, plus they usually try to tempt you to check out with other discounts on the site.) They have a bunch of other Stila deals plus some Urban Decay liquid liners on Hollar, in addition to the usual drugstore stuff. Plus there are always OPI, Essie, and China Glaze nail polishes for around $3.

Sephora has added new stuff to their sale section, including several things from the Esteé Edit. (I wonder if that line is being discontinued? It didn't seem to really take off.)

The Target April and May Beauty Boxes are still available.

Now for the beauty-themed funny:

Clickhole's article "Fascinating Social Experiment: These Millions Of Women Tried Cheap Drugstore Makeup For Their Entire Lives," seems to be making fun of this ridiculous Buzzfeed article from last year that I blissfully managed to miss.

I am also totally on board with this mockery of fucking Glossier.

If you've come across anything else cheap or hilarious this week, please share with the class!

Depression Makeup Tutorial

I wonder how much that "Just Be Happy" eyeshadow costs . . .

Make Your Face Great Again

Strobing is over. Now it's all about trumping. (From F-Comedy.)

The last word on minimalism and decluttering

Maybe you're one of the seemingly countless people who are really into minimalism these days. Or maybe you're like me and have been wishing you were into minimalism, because you just had to move all of your fucking property twice within a two week period and now you live surrounded by overflowing boxes and bags in a chaotic hell of your own making. That's when living the monastic lifestyle looks most appealing, I think. Either way, read this and then do everything it tells you to do, because otherwise you will never be happy.

Amy Schumer's "Girl You Don't Need Makeup" video is pretty funny

This One Direction parody is a pretty good response to dudes who think they should be allowed to determine how much makeup women should wear.

As usual for Amy Schumer,  she comments on women's own insecurities too, so it ends like this:

"Girl, you do need makeup / Lots and lots of makeup / Think of a clown and then work your way back /  You are great except your face, girl / So don't take off your makeup / Wear it when you sleep and swim."

What makes $675 nail polish better than drugstore nail polish?

Do you think anyone was like, "I have no idea why this would cost so much money," but they didn't include those people, because it's not as funny? There had to be someone, right? RIGHT?

Not convinced

I know I said I was going to post something more substantial, and I'm working on it, but in the meantime how about something ridiculous? Look at this Aveeno ad featuring some kind of photoshopped Frankenstein monster with Jennifer Aniston's face. It's on the back cover of an Allure magazine I have, not even hidden subtly somewhere in the middle of the magazine like an abomination of this sort should have been. I'd hazard a bet that that is not Aniston's actual body. HER HEAD IS THE SAME HEIGHT AS HER ENTIRE TORSO. And the hair doesn't appear to belong to the same person, either, which is not ideal when you're dealing with a celebrity who is known for her hair. The fingers are freaky, and whoever this is was clearly not actually sitting on that cushion - either that or she is made of colorful air - because there is no indentation in it. Are the digital photo people not even trying anymore? Are they severely underpaid and overworked? I don't get it.

So if this is what happens to you when you rub that lotion on yourself, I think I'll pass.

Ok, weird fights about nothing on Pinterest are my new favorite thing

I promise I won't post them all. But just this one more: IS IT OMBRE?

Eyebrow drama on Pinterest

This is really funny and terrible. Ladies shouldn't have the vote, because they can't all agree on the same eyebrow-grooming method. That's what I'm taking away from that discussion. (I hope the pin doesn't get deleted.)

The Meanest Skincare Advice (from The Toast)

Read it here. For some of it, I was like, "Yes, obviously," and for some of it, I was like, "Really? Citation needed." But in the end I just like it when people rant about beauty shit. Spoiler alert! This is how it ends:

A lot of what we consider to be good skin has nothing to do with actual good skin. Good skin is generally supposed to be clear, even, smooth, all that sort of conventional bullshit. There are elements at play with good skin that have nothing to do with your skin: lighting is a big one (another article on that forthcoming) and hormones are another. I hope I’ve opened your eyes to all the different ways the skin care industry is bullshit and that you still want to be friends. Drink a glass of water now. Bye.

Bottom Shelf Nail Polish Names (from The Hairpin)

My favorites are "Leaving the House to Get the Mail" and "You Go, Girl, Interrupted by Cat--Plus Fur". More here.

Funny scientist explains "chemicals" and "natural" shit

Okay, this one is about food, not makeup, but it's still a really funny takedown of the idea that "chemicals" are always bad and "natural" things are always good, written by a chemist. It looks a little dry at first glance, but it's actually very entertaining. Give it a read.

If you don't have time (ohh, you're sooo fucking busy), just read this excerpt:

"As I've emphasized in passing above, there are plenty of natural substances, made by healthy creatures in beautiful, unpolluted environments, that will nonetheless kill you in agony. Plants, fungi, bacteria, and animals produce poisons, wide varieties of intricate poisons, and they're not doing it for fun.

And on the other side of the imaginary fence, there are plenty of man-made substances that really won't do much of anything to people at all. You cannot assume anything about the effects of a chemical compound based on whether it came from a lovely rainforest orchid or out of a crusty Erlenmeyer flask. The world is not set up that way. Here's a corollary to this: if I isolate a beneficial chemical compound from some natural source (vitamin C from oranges, for example, although sauerkraut would be a good source, too), that molecule is identical to a copy of it I make in my lab. There is no essence, no vital spirit. A compound is what it is, no matter where it came from.

Another assumption that seems common to this mindset is that when something is poisonous at some concentration, it is therefore poisonous at all concentrations. It has some poisonous character to it that cannot be expunged nor diluted. This, though, is more often false than true. Paracelsus was right: the dose makes the poison. You can illustrate that in both directions: a beneficial substance, taken to excess, can kill you. A poisonous one, taken in very small amounts, can be harmless. And you have cases like selenium, which is simultaneously an essential trace element in the human diet and an inarguable poison. It depends on the dose."

MISANDRY Makeup Tutorial (from tadelesmith)

"You want the wings of your eyeliner to be so sharp they could kill a man . . . "

How to avoid logical fallacies when it comes to evaluating the safety of skin care ingredients (from The Beauty Brains)

Don't fail at logic: read this.

The latest search terms that have got people to this blog, presented without (much) commentary:

• long lasting eyeshadow elf swatch
• cheap melmer
• toilet seat covers as blotting sheets
• large subsurface pimple
• and that i keep buying (Ed: 11 people have got here by searching this in the last month. Why are so many people googling this phrase? So weird.)
• what the fuck is keratin
• beyond the rack how the fuck
• that is supposed to be the shit
• wipetrick
• sleep chreep fuck
• fucking her ass by makeup tools
• 3 in 1 fuck
• fat teen boy fucks
• fuck gel

Scary Hair Product

Okay, so apparently don't buy Garnier Fructis Style Sleek & Shine Blow Dry Perfector. But DO read this article about it, because it is hilarious.