Battle of the fairly-quick-dry topcoats: NYC Grand Central Station ($2) vs. Orly Polishield ($10)

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.
I love quick dry topcoat. So much. I'm pretty sure that discovering Seche Vite is the main thing that enabled me to become a nail polish hoarder.

Okay, maybe I need to rethink my love for it.

But until two or three years ago, I had no idea there was a way to paint your nails without having to sit around completely still for 45 minutes afterwards and then still wake up the next morning with the impression of your pillowcase on at least three fingers. Patience is not one of my great virtues, nor is memory. As in remembering that I just fucking painted my nails and so now is not a good time to anything at all.

The most convenient quick dry top coats that I've tried can be applied within minutes (or even seconds) of the last coat of color, and it will dry to the touch in less than 5 minutes. In less than 10, you can zip your jeans on or off, wash dishes, open beer cans, etc., without any damage. Living the dream. I've tried a shitload of different brands, and my favorite one was Butter London's - but since it is exorbitantly, horrifyingly expensive, Sally Hansen's is a very close second. Poshe is also good. Seche Vite works fast and is very shiny, but causes too much shrinkage, in my opinion. Nubar's Diamont is shitty.

New nail polish and makeup added to blog sale (including a bunch of stuff that's free with shipping)

Just an update to let you know that I added a bunch of stuff to my blog sale, including OPI, Zoya, Pixi, Urban Decay, NYX, and The Balm, among other brands. I also decreased the shipping from $4 to $3.50.

Some of these things I don't love, but others (like the Pixi palette, for example, and many of the nail polishes) are just redundant for me right now. It's hard to say goodbye, but sometimes you just know that it's the right thing to do . . .

I'm also offering a number of things for free. I know, I know, it would probably make more sense to give these away to local people. But my friends and family have had enough - none of them is as big a makeup or nail polish hoarder as I am. You should have seen the bags of crap I took home for my mother and sister over the holidays. They won't take any more. But I need to declutter, so if anyone wants to pay shipping for this stuff, it's all yours.

Two cheap brown liquid eyeliners that are kind of shitty (Review and swatches of e.l.f. Waterproof Eyeliner Pen and Wet N Wild MegaLiner Liquid Eyeliner)

Disclosure: This post contains an Amazon affiliate link.

Let me begin by saying that I have been doing winged liquid eyeliner for over a decade now (so old!), and I basically know what I'm doing. I'm not saying I'm an expert or that my liner is always flawless - just that I've been practicing for a very long time and I can handle it. When I put on eyeliner, and people look at my face form a normal distance, they don't think I look like a mess. Trust me, I have people in my life who would tell me. For evidence, here's a selfie from 2002 in which I thought I looked pretty artsy and hot. I like to think I've improved since then (but I used the same L'Oreal liner in the photo below as in that post - um, new tube - and I'll say more about that brilliant product at the end of the post).

My liquid liner game at 21.

I feel that I need to establish my credibility before you see some of the photos below, because they are a mess. The point I'm trying to make is that it's the eyeliner's fault, not mine! Or at least that I am only incompetent with a certain style of liquid eyeliner. 

First things first: the two cheap liquid eyeliners I'm going to review here are e.l.f. Waterproof Eyeliner Pen in Coffee ($2) and Wet N Wild MegaLiner Liquid Eyeliner in Dark Brown ($2). The e.l.f. liner is a felt tip pen, just like a marker, where the liquid wicks up through the tip. The WNW liner has a long narrow brush that dips into a pot and picks up the liquid that way. They are both kind of shitty, and I wouldn't recommend either one, but for different reasons.

Here are swatches of both:

Left to right: Wet N Wild MegaLiner Liquid Eyeliner in Dark Brown and e.l.f. Waterproof Eyeliner Pen in Coffee 

L'Occitane and LORAC are on HauteLook today (up to 92% off)

I think L'Occitane is just okay, but I know lots of people love it. But LORAC! There are some nice eyeshadow palettes available, which is what I think LORAC is best known for (not the Pro, of course), and lip glosses and eyeliners and foundations and tanners, etc. I'd skip the double-sided mascara. I had a tube of it once, and it was not at all impressive. The Wet-Dry Powder is what is 92% off, fyi, but several other things are 70%+ off.

The links above are my invite link (you need an account to browse HauteLook). Shipping is $6 and usually takes a few weeks.

The most moisturizing body wash I've found yet (Tree Hut Shea Moisturizing Shower Wash in Almond & Honey)

Disclosure: This post contains Amazon affiliate links.
I have never in my life had as dry skin as I've had this winter. In addition to the extreme cold and wind, the heat in my apartment is always cranked up to 90, and I have no control over it. My skin, all of it, all over my body, is tight and flaky and itchy.

I bought some of this Tree Hut Shea Moisturizing body wash in the Almond and Honey scent pretty much on a whim. I like almond scented things, and that was really the only criteria I had for choosing it. It turns out that it's great.

It cleans your skin thoroughly, unlike some body washes I've used that are advertised as moisturizing, but seem to be mostly just diluted. It doesn't leave a film or anything on your skin; it just leaves it feeling nice after you've dried off. It's pretty much the only body wash/soap I've been able to use this winter that lets me get away with not slathering my entire body in lotion immediately after getting out of the shower. My boyfriend has been using it too, and he's even drier than I am. He's been trying to find an actually moisturizing body wash (or shower gel or whatever they tell dudes these things are called) for much longer than I have. According to him, this is the best ever.

I really like the scent, though I kind of wish it was just almond without the honey. Only because I don't really like honey. It's fairly sweet and smells great while you use it, but doesn't leave a strong scent on your skin after you rinse it off. That works for me.

If you're dry and scaly this time of year too, this stuff is worth trying. It only costs about $5-7. If you don't like almond scents, they have other versions that also have shea butter, but none of them is quite as highly rated as this one on Amazon - and I haven't tried the others myself to compare. Note that the ingredients list on Amazon is not accurate. Drugstore.com has the correct ingredients (though it's a little more expensive there, which is why I included the Amazon link above). The addition of the almond oil, which is higher on the list (i.e. there's more of it) than the shea butter, might be what makes the difference. Most of the other ingredients are the same between the various scents, but with a different oil substituted for the almond.

Makeup Withdrawal reviews the shadiness that is Sephora's VIP Rouge program

I don't have this "status" with Sephora, as a cheapo, but I think it's always good to pass along information about shitty business practices.

Wearing the "wrong" eye makeup for your eye color (or: just try to stop me from wearing cobalt blue)

There are a ton of guides to coordinating your eye makeup with your eye color out there, and this has been a staple of makeup advice for as long as I can remember. Several cosmetics companies also sell eyeshadow palettes or sets designed around eye color. The usual idea is that you should wear colors that complement your eye color, or at least contrast with it, in order to intensify it. That often means coppery shades for blue eyes, for example, or purples for brown eyes.

But what if you don't necessarily want to enhance what you have? Makeup is good both for enhancing and transforming. For instance, I can make my eyes look more blue by wearing copper, but I can make them look less blue by wearing really bright blue, which is also pretty cool. Bold cobalt eyeliner is one way to get this effect. When I use it, my eye color looks a little more blue-green or maybe aqua than it's usual ordinary greyish-blue (compare with this, for example).

Cobalt blue eyeliner

(Very) Cheap Dupes for Wen (from The Beauty Brains)

If you want to try washing your hair with a mild conditioner, which is what Wen is, here are some more reasonably priced options.

Awesome anti-bullshit science blog

This blog from McGill about science and everyday life/popular culture and media, called Office for Science and Society: Separating Sense from Nonsense, is fantastic. It debunks all sorts of bullshit: nutritional, medical, etc. Here's a good post on coconut oil - it might be as good for your brain as it is for your hair! And here's a wonderful post about how shitty Dr. Oz is.

Radioactive Cat Update

I posted back in July about trying to save some money to get my cat radiation. I thought I should update you all on that. Lucy got the treatment at the end of November, did not kill any of the staff at the clinic, was temporarily radioactive, and is now back to her old, curmudgeonly, corpulent self. Success! I had to save up for almost a year to afford the treatment, but it was still less expensive than two years of medication would have been. Good thing I have a backlog of makeup to post about here, since this damned cat spent all my money. And to top it off, she has not expressed any gratitude whatsoever! Brat.

Thanks to everyone who contributed by buying stuff from my blog sale. Every little bit helped, and I'm sure if Lucy knew you, she would bite you. Not as a gesture of thanks, but just because she's kind of an asshole.

A not-so-radiant orchid: Wet N Wild MegaLast in Bite the Bullet (a possible dupe for the new Zoya Odette)

Before you scroll down any further, let me apologize for the grainy photos. It's January and so the lighting is terrible - and so is everything else, because it's January.

But I thought I would post about this $2 nail polish in case anyone else had been eyeing Odette from the new Zoya Naturels (so frawnch) collection that has appeared on pretty much every nail blog around in the last month or so (here's one). Odette was the only one in the collection that really appealed to me, but because I am mega-broke at the moment, I didn't even get it during their 3 free polishes offer this month. I am also mega-weak, though, so I did pick up Wet N Wild Bite the Bullet at the drugstore for $2. I really like it. I can't tell you for sure if it's a dupe for Odette, but it looks pretty similar to the photos I've seen. (Odette might actually be somewhere in between Bite the Bullet and Wet N Wild Megalast Undercover, since in some photos, it has a little more rose in it. It kind of looks like a different color on every blog.) Dupe or not, Bite the Bullet is pretty polish. Two coats with topcoat below.

Swatch of Wet N Wild MegaLast nail polish in Bite the Bullet

Swatch of Wet N Wild MegaLast nail polish in Bite the Bullet

In addition, if you're into this whole Pantone Color of the Year thing, this might work for you. I don't totally get the idea behind that, except that Pantone picks a color and tells us that we're all supposed to like it for a year. This pronouncement does lead to makeup products at Sephora in colors we might not otherwise see, so sure, that's cool. This year, it's "Radiant Orchid," which is a specific Pantone code. The online roundups of shit in this color that I've seen, however, have been anything roughly in the medium-light pinkish-purple range. So here is my contribution, even if it is not-so-radiant. You'll be oh so super trendy for $2.

Ok, weird fights about nothing on Pinterest are my new favorite thing

I promise I won't post them all. But just this one more: IS IT OMBRE?

50% off Butter London clearance

It includes some of the duos they put out for the holidays with flaky topcoats, which are $12 now ($6 per bottle). Single bottles (including Trustafarian, a light green holo!) are $7.50. Prices as marked. Shipping is $8.25 and the sale ends next Thurs., Jan. 23.

Quick Review: L'Oreal Age Perfect Glow Renewal Facial Oil (with a more affordable DIY alternative)

Disclosure: This post contains Amazon affiliate links.
I got a sample of this from somewhere, and before I'd even opened it, I knew that I was definitely not going to put this shit on my face. The card it came with says:

FORMULATED WITH A UNIQUE BLEND OF 8 ESSENTIAL OILS

English Lavender
Rosemary Leaf
Geranium
Orange Peel
Chamomile
Rose Flower
Lavandin
Marjoram Leaf

Every one of those ingredients, which the single exception of chamomile, is a skin irritant/sensitizer (look them up here if you doubt me). Some, like lavender oil, might even be photosensitizers (i.e. does bad things in the sun). Lavender oil is also actually a pro-oxidant, rather than an anti-oxidant, which is what we usually look for in skin care products. Oh golly, please, let me rub that on my face. Most of these fragrant oils have no actual benefit for skin, either.

Mind you, when you look at full ingredient list, the fragrant oils are preceded by a bunch of oils that are actually mostly decent for the skin. Funny that they don't highlight those good ingredients instead on the package. Here's the list:

INGREDIENTS: CAPRYLIC/CAPRIC TRIGLYCERIDE • OLEA EUROPAEA OIL/OLIVE FRUIT OIL • SIMMONDSIA CHINENSIS OIL/ JOJOBA SEED OIL • CAMELINA SATIVA OIL/ CAMELINA SATIVA SEED OIL • HELIANTHUS ANNUUS SEED K8OIL/SUNFLOWER SEED OIL • ROSA CANINA FRUIT OIL • PARFUM/ FRAGRANCE • ZEA MAYS OIL/CORN OIL • PRUNUS ARMENIACA KERNEL OIL/APRICOT KERNEL OIL • PASSIFLORA EDULIS OIL/ PASSIFLORA EDULIS SEED OIL • ORYZA SATIVA BRAN OIL/RICE BRAN OIL • TOCOPHEROL • LIMONENE • PELARGONIUM GRAVEOLENS FLOWER OIL • CITRUS AURANTIUM DULCIS PEEL OIL/ORANGE PEEL OIL • CITRONELLOL • LINALOOL • ROSMARINUS OFFICINALIS LEAF OIL/ROSEMARY LEAF OIL • GERANIOL • ORIGANUM MAJORANA LEAF OIL • LAVANDULA ANGUSTIFOLIA OIL/LAVENDER OIL • ANTHEMIS NOBILIS FLOWER OIL • LAVANDULA HYBRIDA OIL • CUCUMIS SATIVUS FRUIT EXTRACT/CUCUMBER FRUIT EXTRACT • BENZYL ALCOHOL • CITRAL • CURCUMA LONGA EXTRACT/TURMERIC ROOT EXTRACT • EUGENOL • COUMARIN • SCLAREOLIDE • ROSA SPP/ROSE FLOWER OIL • JASMINUM OFFICINALE EXTRACT/JASMINE EXTRACT • ALPHA-ISOMETHYL IONONE

Olive oil, jojoba oil, apricot seed oil, etc. . . . these are good things. But there's just so much fragrance and crap in there that it's not worth it.

It does smell really fucking good, though. I thought maybe it would be nice as a perfumed oil, but unfortunately the scent fades very quickly. It absorbs well, so I've been rubbing the sample I have on various dry body parts and enjoying the temporary scent. It will have the same irritating properties no matter what part of your body you use it on (and you don't have to physically feel the irritation for it to damage your skin), but I'm okay with a little bit of that in places that don't get as much sun damage as my face, and that I don't care about protecting as much in general. I do wear perfume, after all.

Even though it smells great and feels nice on the skin, I still wouldn't recommend buying it for any purpose.  L'Oreal Age Perfect Glow Renewal Facial Oil retails regularly for $25 (though it's $19 on Amazon) for just 1 oz. (30 ml). If you want a pretty-smelling body oil, just pick up some jojoba oil (like this one) (or one or more of the other oils from the beginning of the ingredients list above) and add a few drops of scented essential oils like lavender (here), orange peel (here), rosemary (here), and geranium (here). (Rose and chamomile are more expensive.) Obviously your initial cost is going to be greater (using the oils I linked to, which equal about $33.50 total), but the oils are multi-purpose. You'll spend something closer to $6 per oz., rather than $25 per oz. for the L'Oreal stuff. Even if you went for the more expensive rose and chamomile oils, you'd do better than the L'Oreal cost. You'll get a nice, moisturizing oil with beneficial properties (jojoba), along with a bunch of stuff that smells pretty and doesn't do much else.

Much cheaper alternative to Zoya's nail polish remover (from Lace and Lacquers)

Disclosure: This post contains an Amazon affiliate link.
People seem to think Zoya's $10 nail polish remover is super fucking special. I don't know, because I haven't tried it. But apparently it's not as super fucking special as this super fucking special $2-3 Cutex shit. Check out an awesome comparison of the two here.

Extra 30% off plus free shipping from J.Crew Factory today

Many things are already on sale, so with the extra discount, I got a much needed cardigan for about $18. Use code FORYOU.

Review and swatches of e.l.f. HD Blush in Showstopper, with a warning against the dangers of MBUI (makeup blogging under the influence)

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.

e.l.f. HD Blush in Showstopper (with pencil sharpener for scale).

The other night, when I was fairly intoxicated, I was looking at OCC Lip Tar swatches, and a brilliant idea came to me. Very pigmented cream products? I have one of those! So I immediately created the following document:

I was pretty sure that I was going to fill it with other brilliant insights, but sadly I fell asleep before I came up with anything else. The next morning my idea didn't seem quite as amazing anymore, but I thought I would try it just for fun anyway. The color of Showstopper seems similar to MAC Rebel lipstick, from what I've seen, so what the hell. Here's how it turned out:

e.l.f. HD Blush in Showstopper used on lips

Ummmmmm . . . no.

Will leaving conditioner on your hair longer make it work better? (from The Beauty Brains)

Apparently not (scroll down). I have to admit this sort of blew my mind. My whole shower routine is built around leaving the conditioner on my hair for the maximum amount of time. But when you think about it, it's pretty obvious. Conditioner doesn't actually absorb into your hair; it just coats it. (Unless it's coconut oil, in which case it needs to stay on for longer than your typical shower.) So the most important thing is that you spread the conditioner evenly throughout your hair (or at least the part you want to condition), not that you let it sit.

Sometimes you just absorb that folk wisdom/marketing shit and don't question it. Oops.

Eyebrow drama on Pinterest

This is really funny and terrible. Ladies shouldn't have the vote, because they can't all agree on the same eyebrow-grooming method. That's what I'm taking away from that discussion. (I hope the pin doesn't get deleted.)

Big fucking eyeliner comparison (also: an excellent alternative to expensive liners from brands like Urban Decay or Tarina Tarantino for significantly less than $10)

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.

First thing first: This post is loooong. I'm long-winded. You should be used to that by now. But gird your loins or steel your . . . buns, or something.

I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again, until everyone is sick of it: ULTA brand makeup is underrated. They have some good shit, and it goes on sale very regularly for very cheap. There's no reason why you should ever have to pay more than $4 for most things, and often you'll get them for less than $3. (To be clear, I am in no way affiliated with ULTA. In fact, they kicked me out of their affiliate program a long time ago, because of the foul language, I'm sure. I've just been repeatedly impressed by their in-house line.)

But for whatever reason, it's relatively hard to find useful information on makeup blogs about this brand (maybe they don't send out press samples). Plus the photos on the ULTA site are not always very informative or accurate. I just went ahead and bought some of their gel eyeliner pencils on the basis of some good experiences with their other liners. I hope the swatches below will be helpful. I was also curious how these would compare to some other, more expensive favorites, like those from Urban Decay or Tarina Tarantino. You remember that all makeup pencils come from the same few suppliers, right? So these could actually be manufactured by the same supplier as those fancy brands. I got out all my pencil liners (i.e. ones that need sharpening) to compare (see above photo).

Kevyn Aucoin makeup up to 80% off on HauteLook

Disclosure: This post contains referral links.
Normally I wouldn't post about this brand, because I haven't tried it, and most of the products are exorbitantly priced. In this case, however, 80% off seems about worth the risk. The Creme to Powder foundation is $10, down from $54. Anyone tried it? It seems to get fairly good reviews. There's also eyeshadow, lip gloss, powder, and stick foundation. A bunch of stuff is already sold out - sorry!

You need an account to browse HauteLook. You can use my invite link, if you like. Like all of these sorts of deal sites, shipping takes a while, so you might have to wait a couple of weeks. Shipping is $6.

"DEVIL'S POISON!" (Or: Glad I Looked For Reviews First)

I got a sample of John Frieda Go Blonder Lightening Spray with a recent ULTA order, and thought I'd give it a quick google before trying it. Check out these scary ass reviews on Makeup Alley. Holy shit! I think I'll put this one directly in the garbage.

(On other sites there are some good reviews alongside the terrible ones, but that's enough to warn me off. Even a small chance that my hair will shrivel up and fall out is enough.)

3 Zoya polishes for $12 including shipping

Technically this is 3 free bottles of polish and you pay $12 shipping. Oooookay. Since when does shipping cost $12? It's still a good deal, since they are usually $9-10 a bottle (so now $4 a bottle: math!) . . . wait, $9? I guess the prices went up. Zoya has always been $8, for as long as I can remember. Sigh. Still, 4 bucks is reasonable enough.

Use code COLOR2014 when you checkout. Good until Jan. 13. If you don't have an account, you can sign up using my link and get another free bottle. You can't combine it with this deal though - you'll have to save it for later.

There are tons of Zoyas I like. It's one of my favorite brands, though I never buy it full price. I recommend Dream, Giovanna, Zuza, and Crystal.

Tarina Tarantino Cosmetics on HauteLook (up to 63% off)

Disclosure: This post contains a referral link.
This is some good shit! I have some of the eyeliner pencils, and they are fucking awesome. $6 is totally reasonable for one of the best eyeliners you will ever use. Check out Beauty Reductionista's post for some other reviews.

You need an account to browse HauteLook, so use my invite link to sign up, if you are so inclined.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL: Free Worldwide delivery from MUA Makeup Academy today only

Oh fuck yes. I have been waiting for this one. When I was in London last summer, I looked all over for MUA products (well in the few stores I passed while I was wandering) and couldn't find them. I went to multiple Superdrugs and found nothing. So now is the time!

I really highly recommend the eyeshadow palettes. The wonderful Undressed palettes are sadly out of stock, but the equally wonderful Heaven and Earth palette is still available. These eyeshadows are really fucking pigmented and awesomely textured and come in great shades. I use them more than all of my more expensive shadows (like Urban Decay, The Balm, etc.). They have both shimmers and mattes, neutrals and colors. Of course I've been caught away from home without my camera on this momentous occasion, but I brought one if my MUA palettes, and I'll try to take a hotel bathroom webcam selfie later. In the meantime, here are some Heaven and Earth swatches.

From what I understand, the Velvet Lip Lacquers are good dupes for Lime Crime's Velvetines, without the obviously shady proprietor and ridiculous markup.

Any other suggestions?

You have to spend £20 to get free shipping, but no code necessary as far as I can tell. Normally shipping for international orders is £7.50 (almost $13 USD), so this is a good deal. Go go go!

Has xoVain become Pinterest? (i.e. a cesspool of DIY bullshit that either won't work or will end badly)

Here's a good recipe for an eye infection. I mean, okay, do it once in an emergency, and then throw the fucking tube away. When the author gets called out in the comments, she claims that that is what she meant, but in the article itself, she says you can keep using the mascara for a few more weeks by doing this. MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

Top 10 Cheap as Fuck posts from 2013

I was curious which posts from the past year got the most traffic, so I thought I'd post the list. It's interesting. The "Do I Need This?" posts are pretty popular, which is nice, because they are fairly time consuming to write. Since my blog doesn't have a big following, the most viewed posts are definitely ones that people tend to find in google searches. Poor saps trying to find decent swatches and instead finding . . . this. As a result, I don't think they are necessarily the most fun or interesting posts, though some of them are arguably the most useful. Others are pretty much utterly useless at this point. For instance, #6 is just a throwaway post mentioning that a LORAC palette was for sale from HauteLook. I think people got to it while googling for swatches, but since I don't own that palette, there are none. Sorry for being useless. (Maybe I should delete the post, but I'm not really in the habit of deleting posts once their content becomes obsolete. That would be kind of a weird thing to do.) Also, it's fairly obvious why the giveaway post is in the list. (By the way, I'm going to be doing another giveaway later this month.)

Anyway, the top ten list is below. Are these types of posts you've found most helpful and/or interesting too? I'm not really going to start tailoring my content to get more hits, since some of the posts I have the most fun with, like mocking xoVain bullshit, get relatively low traffic. But it's always nice to know what people like. I can always do more of certain things.

10. $2 Dupe for Chanel Azure nail polish (May 2013)
9. 1 Year Anniversary Giveaway (July 2013)
8. Do I Need This? Eyeshadow Primer (May 2013)
7. Swatches and Reviews of NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream and Butter Gloss and Revlon Balm Stains and Lip Butters (April 2013)
6. LORAC Little Lace Palettes $12 from HauteLook (October 2013)
5. Wait, a mask that actually does something for oily skin and blackheads? (April 2013)
4. Review and swatches: Revlon Colorburst Matte Balm in Elusive (October 2013)
3. Do I Need This? Beauty Blender sponge (and a comparison with cheaper versions) (March 2013)
2. Revlon Colorburst Lacquer and Matte Balms with review and swatches (October 2013)
1. Do I Need This? Highlighting and Contouring (April 2013)

Apparently I was busy in April, May, and October.

Sidenote: My computer has been fixed, finally. I lost all the photos I took in the last few weeks, though, so I will have to redo them. By next week I should be up and running at my usual (snail's?) pace again.

And Happy New Year everyone!