Self-serving fashion question

I am so fucking uninspired fashion-wise lately. I've actually been thinking about just buying a bunch of Old Navy boatneck tops and a handful of J. Crew sweaters in that one style I like in several colors and just basically developing a uniform. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

I hate all the clothes I own, but I really can't afford to replace them. And they're fine, anyway. Putting together outfits used to be one of my favorite little daily pleasures, and now all I want to do is throw on whatever's crumpled up on the floor next to the bed.

Have you had this experience? How did you snap out of it? HEEEELP MEEEE!

Maybe the trick is to get out in the fresh air and start feeling more positive about things in general, and the style will follow. It's spring now, right?

Guest Post from Savannah Scorpion: Makeup Gift Guide

Ed.: Our wonderful Savannah Scorpion has done what I had no time to do: give you a gift guide! And guess what, unlike 99% of gift guides on blogs, this isn't an affiliate-linked shopping list!

Felicitations and Happy Holidays, everyone!

 

(Every time you say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas", Bill O'Reilly gets explosive diarrhea.)

 

It's time for another guest post with me, Savannah Scorpion, your humble guide to the world of cosmetics sales and retail bullshit.

 

I am working on several product comparison posts, but I'm searching for a good camera to borrow, and some willing victims, er - models to be photographed.

 

In the meantime, it's officially Shopping Season! Here's what you need to know when it comes to giving makeup as a gift, or otherwise just plain saving money during this holiday season.

 

First of all, I'm writing this post Black Friday/Cyber Monday/Why The Fuck Are You Shopping When You Should Be With Your Family Or Even Volunteering In Your Community Thursday.

 

All of the great discounts have disappeared, right?

 

WRONG.

 

Think of Black Friday as the "kickoff" to shopping deals to come. Retailers still have a lot of holiday stuff that they need to move out of their stores as quickly as possible. There are still plenty of sales to be had.

 

If you are shopping for clothes, check the clearance racks frequently. At this time of year, there's higher turnover--especially at fast fashion retailers. Which means that while there's new stock coming in every day, thinks are moved to clearance at a faster pace than usual.

  

This is also the time of year that many charities are collecting items for food and winter clothing drives. Check to see if a store is partnering with a charity--you might get a discount if you donate items like nonperishable foods or gently used clothes.

 

Now, when it comes to cosmetics, buying presents can be tricky. What we dab, brush, slather, and smear on our faces is a very personal choice. When buying cosmetics, consider the following:

 

Is your recipient a:

 

-casual makeup enthusiast, or a newbie who is just starting to fuel their passion for makeup?

 

-moderately passionate makeup junkie?

 

-Completely obsessed with makeup?

 

-A professional makeup artist/student training to be a makeup artist or cosmetologist?

Rules for buying makeup from e.l.f.

Believe it or not, I have more to say on this subject than: 1. Put money in money slot. 2. Take out makeup. (If only.) I thought I'd write a small post with my advice for how to get your money's worth from e.l.f. since I see that they've extended their 50% off sale for another day.

I know there are people out there who are violently opposed to e.l.f., because "it's all crap" or whatever. That's not true. Some of it is crap. Some of it is mediocre. Some of it is wonderful. That's pretty much the range of quality you'll get from any cosmetics brand, whether it's Chanel, or Cover Girl, or Wet N Wild. You can browse my e.l.f. tag to see some of what is shitty and what isn't.* I was adding things to my wishlist for the last six months or so, and I finally bought it all, so I'll be posting more reviews of e.l.f. ad nauseum for the next while.

What e.l.f. is particularly good for is trying out new things without much risk.  Wondering if you can actually pull off hot pink lipstick? Or if you can figure out how to do winged eyeliner? Or if highlighting is actually a thing that is worth spending time on? Buy some basic shit from e.l.f. Then if you decide it's never going to happen, you're only out $1-2. If you decide that you love it, but you could use some better products, then upgrade. But you might very well find that the e.l.f. makeup you're using works great.

(Note: I realize that some of you are going to be like, "Dude. Pink lipstick, liquid eyeliner, and highlighter are some kindergarten-level shit." Don't be such an asshole, imaginary interlocutor! And don't call me dude. They may be basic for the majority of the people who actually read beauty blogs, but not for the majority of the (feminine) population as a whole. Personally, I've only just mastered red lipstick at the age of thirtCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH.** And by mastered, I mean I've found colors/formulas that I like, and I can apply it with a decent level of competence. I still almost never actually wear it outside of my apartment.)

Anyway, on to the rules:

Rule #1: Always buy e.l.f. online and never for full price.
Don't buy it at Target. Just don't. I know that there's something to be said for looking at the product in person before you buy it. So look at it in Target, and then buy it online. It's always going to be more expensive from other retailers than it is from the eyeslipsface.com website. Sign up for their mailing list, and let their emails go to your spam folder. Check the folder every week or so and see what's going on. e.l.f. has a 40% off/50% off/BOGO sale almost every month. That means that the majority of products are going to be 50 cents to $1.80 each. A very few will cost $3.60.

When to toss beauty products (from Paula's Choice)

I like this particular guide, because it gives you 4-6 months for mascara. That's what I tend to do anyway, especially if I have more than one tube going at the same time.

Guest post from Savannah Scorpion: Why Do Cosmetics Companies Make The Same Damn Thing? (And what you should buy instead)

[Ed. note: Savannah sent me this post on Nov. 6, and I'm only getting to it now! Oops. I was looking back through my emails thinking, "Wasn't it just a few days ago?" I have completely lost track of time this month. But better late than never, because this is a good one.]

Hello!

If you are new to the blog, I am Savannah Scorpion, a former Seller of Expensive Cosmetics Shit At A Retailer You All Know And Love. I periodically do guest posts about how your cosmetics sausage is made.

Here's a picture of me hugging a pizza:

Have any of y'all ever walked around a cosmetics aisle, and marveled at how every company seems to be making the same damn things?

You're not seeing double.

Remember, most of he cosmetics brands are owned by a few select companies. So when a prestige brand (expensive, sold at a specialty retailer, salon, or department store)  introduces a fancy new product, a mass brand (not expensive, sold at drugstores, mass-market retailers) owned by the same company will frequently release something similar--just at a different price point.

Also, cosmetics companies have a tendency to behave like a hivemind. So, when one company releases a New, Innovative, Thing evey other brand is scrambling to replicate it and repackage it, because they don't want to lose customers to the New, Innovative, Thing sold by The Other Cosmetics Brand.

What I'm going to do is go over some of the more popular trends  in cosmetics and skincare, and help you save money by pointing out the best products ("best" rarely translates to "most expensive").

1. Blotting Papers

What They Do:

They blot your shit for when your face gets shiny.   Blotting papers let you remove oily gunk from your face, which is a hell of a lot better than putting more face powder on top. And while they won't smear your makeup, blotting papers can help when you have those days when you leave your house, look in your car mirror, and say "Oh shit I totally overdid it today".

Virtually every brand has their own blotting papers--most of which are made with rice paper, and you can easily spend anywhere from 3-15 bucks. If you buy more expensive papers, you simply paying for more elaborate packaging.

The best, in my opinion, are the Sephora brand blotting papers. They aren't the cheapest or most expensive (they retail for 8 bucks), but they have 100 sheets, and amazing at blotting oily crap. I've found that cheaper brands have less papers, or smaller sheets. The great thing about the Sephora ones is that even if you use these frequently, they last 1-2 months. It really doesn't matter if you get the Vitamin C, Green Tea, Salicylic Acid, or Lavender papers, because there's really no way to get any major skincare benefits (besides oil absorption) from blotting papers.

[Ed.: e.l.f. also has some decent ones for $1, but they are definitely not going to last as long as those.]

2. BB/CC/DD/Blah Blah Blah Creams

Alphabet creams are probably here to stay. Yippee skippee. If you believe everything you read, you will be convinced that these creams are magical, can turn back the ravages of time on your face, rescue kittens from burning buildings, etc, etc, etc, etc.

None of this is true.

Here is the short list of what these creams do:

1. They provide light to medium coverage

2. They provide basic sun protection via broad-spectrum mineral sunscreen

3. Depending on the formula, they may provide basic skincare benefits

Here's the short list of what these creams DON'T do:

1. They will not eat you out.

2. They will not do your taxes

Quick question: What's your favorite moisturizer?

So I find myself, for really the first time in my life, dealing with dry/tight skin. I'm thinking it must be an age thing. It's dry in my apartment because the heat is on all the time now, and my face also get a little chapped from walking out in the wind everyday. But neither of these things are new. I have always lived in dry and/or cold and/or windy places. And I've always had oily/combination skin year-round. For the last month or so, it's been sliding toward the dry end of the combination spectrum.

My Paula's Choice Skin Balancing Moisture Gel, which has always served me admirably in the past if I ever felt a little dry, really isn't cutting it right now. So I thought I'd ask:

What's your favorite moisturizer? Cheap is good, of course.

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who deal with a little oiliness and some breakouts too. Real combination skin havers.

(Isn't it interesting how "skin type" can be a part of identity, especially for those of us who are really into performing/doing femininity? It seems to be correlated to gender identity. It's not, "My skin feels a little dry lately," so much as, "I am now the type of person who has dry skin." Does that make sense to anyone but me?)

Guest Post from Savannah Scorpion: Greenwashing and "Eco Friendly" products

While I'm away for the week, Savannah Scorpion is back to entertain and inform you with more of the insider scoop on how to buy beauty products without throwing your fucking money away. As always, comment below or email with any questions or future topics you'd like her to address! 

This is Savannah Scorpion, returning with a short post about all of the hype surrounding "green", "organic", and "eco-friendly" cosmetics and skincare.

Now, I'll be straight-up and admit that my preferred cleanser is one of those fancypants products that is made with volcanic ash and has an expiration date on it. I use it because I have Weird Skin (TM) that gets oily throughout the day, but gets dried out by pretty much everything except this cleanser. I also may or may not have ordered a dickton of products from the LUSH website after I got my last paycheck.

Panic about parabens, pthalates, and the planet mean that there's a huge trend in so called "green" products. Even mass brands like Neutrogena are creating "eco" lines. Now, here's the straight talk on these products:

Why the Fuck is this Shit so Goddamn Expensive Anyway?

I am still in the midst of unpacking from my move and working on my top secret work project, so Savannah Scorpion is back to entertain and inform you with more of the insider scoop on how to buy beauty products without throwing your fucking money away. As always, comment below or email with any questions or future topics you'd like her to address! 

Salutations!

This is Savannah Scorpion, returning to provide an insider's perspective about why expensive cosmetics are so expensive. This has been something discussed on the blog before, but this post is going to go much more in-depth. You'll also see some pictures of me holding tubes of lipstick in my teeth. 

So, without further ado, here is the Master List of Reasons Why Expensive Beauty Shit is So Fucking Expensive:

1. Volume.

Think about all of the places you can buy L'Oreal, Revlon, Maybelline, and CoverGirl cosmetics.  You can get these mass brands at virtually every;

• grocery store (Family Fare, Kroger, Publix, Hy-Vee, Stop & Shop, etc)
• drugstore (Walgreen's, CVS, Eckerd, Duane Reade, etc)
• large "big box" retailer (Walmart, Target, Meijer, Fred Meyer)
• Ulta Beauty store, in the mass cosmetics section
• along with online at websites like drugstore.com. 

These cosmetics are everywhere. And because there are everywhere, and are accessible to lots of people, cosmetics companies don't have to charge as much for them to make a profit.

Prestige cosmetics brands are not nearly as accessible.Many brands are bound by exclusivity contracts. Depending on the contract, you can only find those products at specific department stores, company stores, or beauty retailers like Sephora or Ulta. If you can only find a product at a Sephora, Macy's, Needless-Markup, or Belk, you will pay more.

2. Shelf space/packaging.

This goes along with number 1 quite nicely. If you go to a drugstore, you will see that mass cosmetics are displayed in a way that fits as much product on as small of a space as possible. The products are packaged in a way that they take up as little space as possible. This allows the company to save money when they are attempting to keep costs low by selling as much shit as possible.

On the other hand, if you visit a Sephora, or the prestige section of Ulta, or the cosmetics counters at a department store, you will see that not a whole lot of products are on display. You'll see that displays are more elaborate. And you'll see that the products are packaged in more elaborate packaging, and get wrapped in tissue paper. Shelf space that isn't devoted to product costs money, just as how any article or photograph in a newspaper or magazine that isn't an advertisement costs the publication money. If you have less products to sell, you will have to charge more in order to make a profit.

As for packaging  the best way I can demonstrate this is with my extensive lipstick collection. 

This is a Wet N Wild lipstick that I got at a Rite Aid. It was shrink-wrapped, and comes in a lightweight plastic tube. 

Now, this is a Bare Minerals Marvelous Moxie lipstick. The tube is made out of metal (it's quite hefty), and there's a special toggle at the bottom that keeps the lipstick locked in. This is a pretty handy feature, and the company spent lots of money on R&D, paying designers to design a better lipstick tube and spent more money to make this more elaborate packaging.  As a recovering art school graduate, I have nothing against designers and artists making money designing stuff. Just keep in mind that somebody has to pay for this, and that somebody is usually you, the consumer. 

The Best (And Cheapest) Travel Cosmetics Case (from Maskara)

Spoiler: It's a ziplock bag. I like to use these, because: (1) you can see everything that's in each bag without digging through it or dumping it out to find what you want; (2) if something leaks in your suitcase, it's contained, and you can just throw the bag out and use a new one; (3) you can divide everything up into separate bags (shower stuff, makeup, etc.); (4) you can put your carry-on liquids in one and keep them there; (5) they take up very little space; and (6) they're actually reusable for many, many trips unless you are packing something sharp and spiky (are you?) or something spills.

SO MUCH USEFUL ADVICE! (from The Toast)

So much. Did you know that thing about the gas cap on cars? Damn. This is a very important exception to the Never Read the Comments rule. Read them all.

Never Buy a Razor Again (Or: Where to Get Free Shit)

Disclosure: Affiliate link.
At this point, I have 5-6 brand-new razors in my cabinet, and I didn't pay for any of them. Since I only shave a couple of times a week, those will last me months. Some of them came with refill blades, too. (And remember to use this technique to keep the blades sharp twice as long.) Razors are one of the easiest things to get free samples of online, next to shampoo and conditioner, toothpaste, and hand cream. Remember when I showed you my hoard of bath and beauty junk? Most of that was free. I have probably a year's worth of free shampoo and conditioner in there.

Everyone knows about requesting free samples online, right? Or do I only think that because it was one of the first things I did when we got the internet at school in around 1996? I like free things, I like getting (non-junk) mail - perfect. Either way, maybe I can give you at least one source here that you're not already aware of.

Of course you're "paying" for these products with your own time, whatever it takes to find the samples and fill out a form to request them. But if you tend to sit around playing on your computer/device during your downtime anyway, you could do this and get some things in return. You also have to provide some of your information to these companies. I can't emphasize this enough: make yourself a dedicated email address to use for things like this. You will get spam. You might also want to sign up for a Google voice phone number to use. Don't put in a fake phone number - I got multiple calls every day for a few months from spammy sources when someone used my phone number to sign up for something. Not cool.

But enough lecturing, here's where to get the free shit:

Guest Post from Savannah Scorpion: Do I Need This? Customer Loyalty Programs

The enigmatic and magnanimous Savannah Scorpion is back with more of the insider scoop on how to buy beauty products without throwing your fucking money away. As always, comment below or email with any questions or future topics you'd like her to address! 

Hello again!

This is Savannah Scorpion, your friendly neighborhood seller of Expensive Cosmetic Shit, back with another post. 

I was invited to send a picture, and I chose a film still from Butterfield 8. While I do not look like Elizabeth Taylor, I have been tempted to write rather nasty things in lipstick on men's mirrors/car windshields. The only thing that has stopped me is that most of the lippies in my collection are pricey, and I'll be damned if I waste one of my $25 Nars Velvet Matte Lip Pencils on damaging the property of some hipster douchebag. I think I'm going to buy one of the $1 e.l.f lipsticks and designate that as my official "Writing On Glass Surfaces" lipstick. [I should add that to my review as a possible use. - Ed.]

Anyway....

I'm sure y'all have been offered to sign up for different loyalty programs at different restaurants and grocery stores. Cosmetics retailers have loyalty programs, and I'll give you the rundown on how they work. Do you need them? Yes. Even if you don't buy cosmetics all that much. 

Help Jen (a.k.a. bitchslap-barbie) find a foundation that works for her "weird-ass skin"!

Jen (a.k.a. bitchslap-barbie) asks:
I have a question for you. I *do* know the Monistat primer trick (screw Smashbox!), but it doesn't help me all so well due to my weird-ass skin. In summer, my face has more oil than Texas. In winter, it's so dry it visibly flakes, and I have tried everything short of dumping all my savings at a dermatologist to fix that. (Also, my skin only registers summer or winter. There is nothing else.) So getting foundation - REALLY tricky. 

I know this is a tough one. But do you or any of your lovely readers have any suggestions on foundations that will work? I'm fine with having to need two. I just wanna stop looking like a dermatological example of what NOT to do.

My response:

I have a terrible time with foundations, personally. They all look awful and cakey on me and wear off unevenly. They emphasize my fine lines and get greasy (yes, I've tried the ones designed for oily skin). Bleh. I've given up on finding something full coverage that I don't hate, which is okay with me since my skin is fairly even. I've been using the Sephora Tinted Moisturizer (which I wrote about here), and it works great for me. I apply it with a foundation brush, spreading it more or less evenly over my face, and then I sort of buff it in with some Maybelline Mineral Power Finishing Veil Translucent Loose Powder in a swirly circular motion, with a flat top brush. (Both brushes are from the this e.l.f. set which is still $3 with a $30 purchase until tomorrow, Feb. 25.) That step both makes sure the coverage is really even and gives me a matte (but not powdery) finish.

The Sephora stuff isn't cheap, but it's a really good product for oily skin, AND it's moisturizing, so maybe it would help with both of your problems. I'd recommend going to a Sephora store, if you have one nearby, and asking for a sample. They'll give you several days worth, and you can figure out that way if it does any good before you invest.

But that's the only suggestion I have, since it's the only thing I've found to work for me personally. It's not full coverage, though, so if that's important, this isn't the right option. Your face is not my face! So here's where I ask for some more help from the crowd. Anyone out there have a similar skin type to Jen's? What have you found that works? What should she avoid?

Please give your recommendations in the comments!

Fragrance: Is it really the devil?

I'm not so into the smell of my unscented rosehip oil. It's pretty mild, but I figured it would make a more pleasant bedtime ritual if I could mix it with something that smells better. So I popped over to Paula Begoun's site to look at her list of skincare ingredients to try to find something that smells nice and won't damage my skin.

According to Paula, nothing. All of the scented oils etc. are damaging. Here's what she says: "Fragrances, whatever their form, added to personal-care products, impart their scent via volatile compounds. When applied to skin, they react, causing irritation that may or may not be visible on the skin's surface. [...] You may not see the reaction on the surface of your skin from the fragrance in skin-care products, but that doesn't mean the damage isn't silently occurring." [Ed.: Does skin irritation ever make a noise?]

So basically, fuck everything. Is it really so bad as all that? If I put anything on my skin that smells okay, am I going to regret it someday?

The Beauty Brains have a slightly different take: "While many people are allergic to fragrance ingredients and would do well to avoid products with fragrances in them, there is no reason that everyone should avoid fragranced products. Fragrances make the product experience more enjoyable and if they don’t bother your skin, feel free to keep using them."

They also comment that it seems "strangely coincidental" that Paula Begoun sells only fragrance-free products in her skincare line and has such harsh advice about fragrance. I think a more charitable interpretation would be that she doesn't include fragrance in her products because she feels so strongly about it. But I can't read her mind.

Anyway, this is one of these points where you're pretty much going to have to weight the risks you are willing to take and decide for yourself. If you have sensitive skin or allergies, you might want to avoid all fragrances just in case. If you don't, and you take other precautions, such as not smoking and wearing sunscreen regularly, then maybe rubbing some nice-smelling shit on your face isn't going to turn you into an unsightly hag. 

As for me, fragrance isn't something I'm going to go out of my way to avoid, unless it's overly perfumey. And that's mainly just because I don't like a lot of scents and have a sensitive nose. Like baby powder, and whatever Philosophy's Hope in a Jar is supposed to smell like. Barf. Personally, I think if an attractive scent is going to make you more likely to use something that's good for your skin on a regular basis, that probably outweighs the (miniscule) potential for "silent" irritation and damage. I'll stick with my stinky $10 rosehip oil for now. It's not so bad, really.

How to restore old nail polish.

Don’t throw out your old goopy polishes, and don’t inhale!

How to restore old nail polish.

Makeup Tips for Glasses Wearers

If like me, you have once again given up on the idea that you can ever wear contacts without blinking incessantly and rolling your eyes around like a maniac.

(Though I admit I’m not necessarily going to follow the rules. I’ve worn grey/charcoal/silver eye makeup with my glasses plenty of times without looking like I have black eyes.)

Makeup Tips for Glasses Wearers

Has anyone bought shit from Everlane?

(Referral link.)

They have “luxury” t-shirts for $15, which look pretty nice. The backpacks etc. aren’t especially cheap though. It’s an interesting store. Is it worth it? Or is it just trying to trick me by looking exclusive?

Has anyone bought shit from Everlane?