I'm going to write a post soon about the process of sorting through my embarrassingly large hoard of makeup and on what basis I choose what to keep and what to get rid of (someone asked me about that once). Working through it has left me reflecting on why I accumulated all this crap to begin with. I'll have more to say about that in the upcoming post, but right now I just want to go ahead and blame grad school for saddling me with more makeup than any person who is not a makeup artist or a dragon who lives on top of some kind of giant sparkly heap of cosmetics under Lovely Mountain should reasonably possess. Certainly more than a person should have who is only just now kind of getting into lipstick and barely has enough eyelid space for more than one color of eyeshadow.
Hear me out on why grad school is one of the top factors to blame for my recent acquisitiveness and rampant consumerism (there are others, which I'll think about another time). In my experience, and in my observations of people around me, grad school seriously exacerbates people's latent pathologies/neuroses and brings out their weirdest behavior. Exactly what form it takes is different for everyone. It's much like any other prolonged, stressful situation in that respect, with the added bonus that the sorts of people who choose to go to grad school, and particularly those who pursue doctoral degrees, seem to be more prone to neurosis to begin with. In my case, I've always been fascinated by shopping/fashion/beauty, and I definitely had some hereditary
Now that I've transitioned from grad school madness to post-grad school unemployment bleakness, I've cut down on the buying. I'm not trying to do some kind of "no buy" thing, because . . . that's still a sort of fixation on (not) buying makeup that doesn't work well for me. But the stress of unemployment is more of a general, hollow despair rather than an amped up, self-conscious anxiety, and it's hopefully temporary, so it's time to start sorting through the heap and move on to other preoccupations.
(I'm still having fun with the blog thing, though.)
I can relate to this SO MUCH. It was really hard for me to transition from my grad school spending habits to my unemployed not-spending habits. Though I did realize that that I really didn't need all those things that I thought I did and now kind of regret what I spent...
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Okay, I'm glad it's not just me! I always felt like I didn't really have enough to contribute to any meaningful savings anyway, so I might as well spend what little surplus I had on something that would give me immediate gratification. I know that is not economically sound. Now I'm rich in nail polish?
DeleteI've been in grad school for 8 years so I know exactly what you are talking about. I could write a dissertation on it, but I already have one that I should be finishing...
ReplyDeleteIf only I could have submitted my blog as my dissertation, I would have been done much sooner.
DeleteAnd you will finish! Soon! Though I'm not sure there is any great advantage to exiting grad school in this job market. So stay?
DeleteWhat did you study in grad school? I'd be curious to hear about your experiences sometime, if you're willing to share on this blog. I'm thinking about grad school, but dreading it at the same time (already).
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've thought about it, but to be perfectly honest, I'm not really comfortable mentioning my field on my blog, because I'm paranoid. I'm on the job market (and probably will be for a few years), and my field is very, very small. Lots of academics of all genders can be annoyingly judgmental about people having "frivolous" interests/hobbies - makeup would be WAY HIGH on that list. Also they might think I am wasting precious research time blogging (that may be true). Anyway, I will say that my Ph.D. is in a humanities discipline, and I would be totally happy to discuss it in all sorts of detail by email, if you ever want to do that.
DeleteI agree about grad school bringing this out in people... at least, that's how I'm going to explain the fact that I have enough nail polish to fill a small closet. I didn't have that before law school!
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to focus for a minute on something that's just new and pretty, and not difficult or important or stressful. But it's so easy for it to get out of hand.
DeleteI started my beauty blog solely because I felt incredibly guilty about how much makeup I've acquired (though I DO do some freelance makeup artistry - not enough to account for how much I have though!)
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hear you. It's definitely a vicious cycle for me, though, because then I buy things just because I want to write about them on the blog, not because I particularly need/want them.
DeleteI hear you. When my anxiety racks up a little something pretty makes me feel better. I thought. Until I realized that I have hooded lids and I wear glasses and just maybe I should do something else with my money than buying that new shade of glittery eyeshadow that even if I do wear, will not look any different and/or will not actually be visible to anyone besides me. And I really didn't need that 84th shade of blue nail polish either. I'm trying to transition it to actual activities instead. $50 will buy a new palette OR a day at the Irish Fair. lol.
ReplyDeleteThat's a really good idea. If only I could someone keep the immediate distraction or whatever that way. There has to be some way . . . looking at a picture of the place I want to save up to go to or something?
DeleteI don't mind that no one can see the makeup but me, though. Sometimes I kind of prefer it. Ha.
I didn't realize that I had an obsession with make-up...until a year into grad school. I was a basic beauty kind of gal, but now I'm learning all about the wide world of contouring, bronzing, shading, etc. much to my bank account's detriment.
ReplyDeleteMy whole theory on why I suddenly developed this compulsion during grad school comes down to 2 things:
1. I sit at the computer writing papers all the time, which in turn leads to me having easy access to ordering makeup online. (As opposed to clothes, which never fit me when I order online-or books/movies that I don't have time to read/watch, for example.)
2. I work full time, and go to grad school part time- my 15/30/45 minutes I spend playing with makeup in the morning is pretty much my escapism.
Anyway, I'm glad I'm not the only grad school student who developed a makeup buying addiction. I'm starting to think I could be writing two theses, one on my actual research topic-and one on how to blend eye shadow. (I think I'm finally getting the hang of it.)
-Rebecca
Yes! I think the makeup thing has been a way for me to do something a little creative without it being too intellectually taxing. I used to have all sort of creative topics, but grad school really drained me of any excess mental energy. So I play with makeup as a creative alternative with really low stakes. I agree with the escapism part too. Usually the only time I would do a full face of makeup, including foundation, was on days when I was teaching. It probably made no visible difference, but taking the time to sit there and put myself together like that was therapeutic and relaxing. Sort of a weird pre-game meditation or something.
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