Thursday, March 21, 2013

Do I need this? Special Pregnancy Polish

Here is the latest installment of "Do I Need This?", a series about new and trendy beauty products (or just those that might be unfamiliar and baffling to both of us). I'll offer my experience and opinion about whether or not I think the product under consideration is worth shelling out for. Obviously, you don't need ANY beauty products, so the answer is always going to be no, a little bit. But is it going to change your life (or face)? Is it going to make things easier? Are you going to notice any difference at all if you use it? That's what I'm getting at. You may disagree with my verdict, because we all have different bodies/faces/brains/desires, but I'll try to give you a starting point at least.

Short answer: Fuck no.

What is it?
There are nail polish brands out there marketing their polish specifically to pregnant women. For example, one brand called Knocked Up Nails has shades with names such as "18K Gold Crown(ing)" and "Prenatal Princess". (Be right back, vomiting in my mouth.) Here's what they say about their brand:

About Knocked Up Nails
Our pregnancy-safe nail polish formula does not contain toluene, formaldehyde, dibutyl phthalate or camphor. Through our cheeky polish names we show a little extra lovin’ to the preggos, but Knocked Up Nails is also safe for allergy sufferers, cancer patients & children. Our hip, modern hues are long-lasting and chip resistant. All of our polishes are cruelty free and made in the USA.
Knocked Up Nails is gluten-free & vegan. 
Why you don't need it:
Okay, first of all, gluten-free? Don't eat your nail polish, people!

Second, this is 4-free nail polish (i.e. nail polish that is free of 4 chemicals that people don't like). It is not uncommon. Claiming it's made specifically for pregnant folks and cancer patients is just a way to get you to pay $10+ for it. Even Zoya, one of the major brands out there marketing itself as "natural" (i.e. also 4-free), is only $8 a bottle. Most drugstore brands these days are 3-free, which gets rid of the first three scary chemicals on that list (which are probably not even that scary unless you are huffing them in large quantities, but whatever). Camphor can cause skin irritation, so you shouldn't apply it directly to your child, but it's not in the same category as the other ingredients. If you're worried about your polish, just google it or look at the ingredients.

If you nevertheless need some special mommy nail polish, because you are a mommy, and mommies need special mommy things no matter what . . . I'm sorry. I really can't help you. You're on your own.

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