The quickest/laziest waves (in which I try out a hair tutorial from xoVain and it is actually useful)

Disclosure: This post contains an Amazon affiliate link.
I don't know why I sometimes feel compelled to read xoVain when it usually just fucking annoys me, but I do. A while back, however, I found something good there: a use for some of that "beach hair" spray, which had me pretty stumped (I got it as a sample from Ipsy), and the fastest and easiest way I've ever come across to add waves that will actually last to my normally stick-straight hair.

You can see the original article here, and my own version of it below as further illustration. I wanted to add to the information available on xoVain, because I think the article there doesn't emphasize some of the major advantages of this technique. But I also want to be clear that this isn't an original idea I came up with independently.

I've posted before about techniques for curls/waves that work for me. For whatever reason, the kind of hair that I have just does not respond to heat styling. I mean, okay, I can make it even straighter, but it rejects curling with heat, whether from a curling iron, hot rollers, or whatever. 20 minutes max after curling, it's straight again, regardless of temperature or product. So the best luck I've had in the past is with putting curlers in overnight. I still think doing it that way has the prettiest results, but this method from xoVain will also work when I want some extra texture in my hair, but I don't want to wash it and then wait 8 hours+. This takes half an hour tops, and most of that time you can spend doing something else.

So this method has the advantages of: (1) not requiring any heat; (2) not requiring wet hair; and (3) being really fucking simple and quick.

It does need a specific product, though, whereas you really don't need anything but water and some rags to curl your hair overnight. For this you need a surf/beach/salt spray. You can google recipes for making DIY versions, but I haven't tested any of those, so I can't tell you how well they work. The one I have is Healthy Sexy Hair Soy Renewal Beach Hair. I could not figure out what to do with this shit when I got it. The package says that you can just, "spray on to damp hair and let dry naturally or blow dry with a diffuser for all over texture." If by texture they mean making your hair feel somewhat rougher and crunchier than usual, then sure. But it didn't do anything else for me. It may be that to use it as instructed you have to have hair that is already prone to waviness or something.

But it works great for making waves with dry hair twisted into buns! It's not utterly pointless! (Also it smells like old school suntan lotion. Yum.) I can't think of another product that will work quite like this: dries/sets extremely quicky, not goopy or sticky, etc. All you do is spray it all over your dry hair, twist your hair into 2-3 buns, and wrap an elastic around each of them. Wait 15-20 minutes (maybe longer depending on how thick your hair is), and then finger comb the waves. I have photos of the steps below the cut. (I am not, in fact, naked in any of the photos. It's a beige cami, okay?)

8 minute basic, work appropriate makeup routine for the lazy and/or incompetent (using affordable products)

See below for the list of products used.

Disclosure: This post contains Amazon affiliate links.
I feel like if this were a feature in a magazine, it would be called a 5-minute makeup look. But since I do not move quickly in the morning, I'd categorize it in the 8-12 minute range, to account for the time I spend staring blankly at the wall between each step. My criteria for choosing each product in this routine is what I oh-so-fucking-cleverly decided to call the "fast/last" rule. That is, it has to apply fast, and it has to last through most of the day without reapplying. Fast, for me, means minimizing the use of tools like brushes. If I can smear it directly on my face, great. Your version of the routine might include more or fewer steps, depending on what you like/need. For instance, I'm lucky enough that my skin is fairly clear, or at least there isn't too much that I really strongly feel like I need to cover up. I just go with concealer and powder when I am in a hurry. That's just me. If you prefer to use foundation etc., then you'd have to factor in the extra time for that.

By the way, the "lazy and/or incompetent" bit in the title refers to me in the morning. Also during the rest of the day, but mostly the morning.

Here's are the steps I take: