10 Most Disappointing Products of 2016

I enjoyed auxiliary beauty's post on this theme so much that I decided to write my own. After all, complaining is one of my hobbies. When I tried to come up with a list of last year's shittiest shit, I ended up with an even 10, so that's satisfying.

Some of these things aren't bad products, exactly, but they were let-downs for me. Others are just straight up garbage. I've reviewed them all in the past (again with the complaining hobby--such a good motivator!), so I'll just give a brief comment here and link to the previous post. Here are the products that bummed me out in 2016, in no particular order:

1. Maybelline Color Tattoo in Vintage Plum

Vintage Plum may be one of the worst makeup products I've ever bought in my entire life. Patchy and unusable. It was all the more disappointing because the color was so perfect for me. Reviewed here.

2. Freeman Honeydew & Chamomile Sleeping Mask

Not only did this stuff break me out (which probably wouldn't happen for everyone who used it), it caused a burning sensation on parts of my face and had a horribly strong fake melon stench. Reviewed here.

3. Milani Color Statement Lipstick in Matte Luxe

It's not a good color for me, which obviously isn't the lipstick's fault. But the fact that it somehow just would not adhere to the surface of my lips? For that I blame Milani. Reviewed here.

4. Makeup Geek Matte Eyeshadow in Fairytale

This isn't a terrible eyeshadow, exactly, it just wasn't the color I was looking for (my fault) and the performance was mediocre at best, so for my first order from Makeup Geek, it was a let-down. Especially when compared to their excellent duochromes. Reviewed here.

5. L.A. Girl Pro Conceal HD Concealer

This concealer also wasn't awful, but I had high expectations after reading so many rave reviews claiming that it is one of the most effective and opaque concealers available at the drugstore. It was just average. Reviewed here.

6. Hard Candy Metallic Mousse Lip Color in Smoke & Mirrors

Ok, so this made my mouth look like a robot's butthole. That's the nature of metallic liquid lipsticks. The bigger problem was that the color of the product in the tube was completely different from the color on my lips. Reviewed here.

7. Wet N Wild (Reformulated) ColorIcon Blush in Pearlescent Pink

It's a fine blush. But I was really disappointed to find that it's a totally different color from the original Pearlescent Pink, which is a favorite of mine. In fact, it's not even very pink at all. Reviewed here.

8. Stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Liner

Another product that just didn't live up to the hype for me, considering so many people consider it a holy grail liner. Not only did it not "stay all day," the tip became completely frayed and unusable while there was still a lot of product left. Reviewed here.

9. e.l.f. 3-in-1 Mascara

A photo posted by Lyn (brutally honest beauty) (@brutallyhonestbeauty) on Apr 17, 2016 at 1:36pm PDT

This one is a little different, because I had used and loved this product before. But I bought the mascara above last spring, and it was so dried up that the brush got stuck in the tube the first time I opened it. When I tried to exchange it, I found four more tubes that were the same. The fifth brush actually came out, but when I got it home, it was still so dry that I was only able to use it a handful of times. I don't know if my CVS just had particularly old stock (but the e.l.f. display hadn't been around long) or what, but I'm not going to take my chances with this stuff again. Too bad, because it's not easy to find a tubing mascara for less than $5!

10. Kat Von D Studded Kiss Lipstick in Poe

Does it count as a disappointment if I knew the stuff was going to be bad, but I bought it anyway? I don't regret buying this lipstick, but it sure is a pain in the ass to apply. Reviewed here.

I'm not sure there are any real lessons to be learned here. Sure, several of these were impulse purchases, but several had been carefully researched, and some I had even owned (in one form or another) before! Some were very cheap, but others were not cheap at all. Shrug?

What were your biggest duds last year?

Slippery and Scary: Review of Freeman paper masks

Disclosure: This post contains no affiliate links.
I've never been particularly excited about sheet masks, because I don't really get the point. Why not just apply the serum/moisturizer directly to my face? I guess the idea is that it won't dry up/absorb as quickly, so you can let it sit in its wet state on your skin longer, in order to . . . do something. Absorb more, I guess? But I got three of Freeman's paper masks a while back in an Ipsy bag, and I thought I'd review them here, because (1) I love Freeman's Avocado and Oatmeal Clay Mask, and (2) they're pretty damned cheap at $2 a piece.

The three I got were the Feeling Beautiful Rose Brightening Facial Paper Mask, the Feeling Beautiful Blue Agave Hydrating Facial Paper Mask, and the Feeling Beautiful Star Fruit Purifying Facial Paper Mask. I tested them, in that order, over the course of several weeks.

The ingredients in these masks are actually not bad. The Rose mask has niacinamide as the second ingredient in the list, after water, and also contains AHAs. The Star Fruit mask also contains lots of niacinamide, but it has a significant amount of witch hazel as well, which is not great. The Blue Agave one has glycerin, aloe, allantoin, and hyaluronic acid, which are all good for moisturizing. I just wish that Freeman was selling these things as little bottles of serum instead, because the masks are really fucking annoying to use. They do have one really valuable function, however: terrifying any people you happen to live with.

No review of a sheet mask is complete without a horrific photo.

The photo above is of the Rose mask, which is the first one I tried. I had the same problems with all three masks, which are the identical size and shape: the eye holes were way too fucking close together. I don't actually have a gigantic face and my eyes are, in fact, a bit more close-set than average (judging from my glasses-shopping experiences). The nose and mouth hole placements are fine, as is the overall width of the mask, so I think it's just poorly designed. The eye holes should be wider. It seems like it was designed for a cartoon. Putting one of these masks on my face seriously impedes my range of vision, as well as locating the mask's fluid uncomfortably close to my eyes. You can actually see in the photo about that my eyes are tearing up a little. That might just have been from the evaporation of the stuff on the mask, but it probably would have been less of an issue if the mask wasn't partially covering them. My eyes were definitely stinging. I also a little worried that the liquid would run into my eyes, though I don't think that actually happened.

And that brings us to the second problem with the masks: they're way too fucking wet. I recommend opening these over a sink, because they will drip all over the damn place. The slippery wetness also makes them very difficult to unfold and place properly on your face. They feel extremely soppy and gross once you've got them on. I couldn't really keep my face properly upright without the mask slipping, but I also didn't want to lie down in case that caused some of the goo to drip into my eyes. The slimy feeling of these masks sliding around my face was too much for me, I'm afraid, and so I only kept the first two on for 3-5 minutes total, instead of the recommended 5-15. (I also find wearing damp clothing horribly uncomfortable, so this might just be something I am particularly sensitive to - but not all sheet masks are this soggy.) After removing the mask, you're supposed to rub the remaining liquid into your skin and not rinse it off.

Some sparkly shit from e.l.f. (Studio Blush in Gotta Glow! and Studio Tone Correcting Powder in Shimmer)

I bought both of these products mainly because I didn't really understand what they were supposed to be. Even after googling them, they remained mysterious to me. They were cheap and I was curious, so whatever. I got them.

e.l.f. Studio Blush in Gotta Glow! and e.l.f. Studio Tone Correcting Powder in Shimmer

To explain my journey of discovery with e.l.f. Studio Blush in Gotta Glow! and e.l.f. Studio Tone Correcting Powder in Shimmer in more visual terms, before I tried them, I was like this:

 And then after I tried them, I was like this:

And also this:

So that about sums it up, I think. But I'll show you some photos anyway.

Two cheap brown liquid eyeliners that are kind of shitty (Review and swatches of e.l.f. Waterproof Eyeliner Pen and Wet N Wild MegaLiner Liquid Eyeliner)

Disclosure: This post contains an Amazon affiliate link.

Let me begin by saying that I have been doing winged liquid eyeliner for over a decade now (so old!), and I basically know what I'm doing. I'm not saying I'm an expert or that my liner is always flawless - just that I've been practicing for a very long time and I can handle it. When I put on eyeliner, and people look at my face form a normal distance, they don't think I look like a mess. Trust me, I have people in my life who would tell me. For evidence, here's a selfie from 2002 in which I thought I looked pretty artsy and hot. I like to think I've improved since then (but I used the same L'Oreal liner in the photo below as in that post - um, new tube - and I'll say more about that brilliant product at the end of the post).

My liquid liner game at 21.

I feel that I need to establish my credibility before you see some of the photos below, because they are a mess. The point I'm trying to make is that it's the eyeliner's fault, not mine! Or at least that I am only incompetent with a certain style of liquid eyeliner. 

First things first: the two cheap liquid eyeliners I'm going to review here are e.l.f. Waterproof Eyeliner Pen in Coffee ($2) and Wet N Wild MegaLiner Liquid Eyeliner in Dark Brown ($2). The e.l.f. liner is a felt tip pen, just like a marker, where the liquid wicks up through the tip. The WNW liner has a long narrow brush that dips into a pot and picks up the liquid that way. They are both kind of shitty, and I wouldn't recommend either one, but for different reasons.

Here are swatches of both:

Left to right: Wet N Wild MegaLiner Liquid Eyeliner in Dark Brown and e.l.f. Waterproof Eyeliner Pen in Coffee 

Quick review: Pixi Flawless & Poreless Primer

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.
I guess the theme of this weekend is: Shit I Don't Like. This is going to be a pretty quick one, because I don't actually like anything about this product. Or quick by my long-winded standards, anyway. Here's the description from Pixi's website:

Primer creates a seamless, silky canvas with a beautiful no-shine, cashmere finish. The formula's skin-loving ingredients clear and unblock pores to allow for utterly flawless, long-lasting makeup application. It is the perfect skin primer for all complexions and all skin types. Pore minimizing. Shine controlling. Hydrating. Oil free. Hypoallergenic. For all skin types.

Here's what it looks like:

Pixi Flawless & Poreless Primer. Looks pale beige but goes on transparent.

Here's a list of things it doesn't do, which could alternatively be titled "Things You Might Reasonably Expect a Primer to Do":

• minimize/blur pores or other "imperfections" (like fine lines/wrinkles, scars, etc.)
• mattify
• make foundation or other makeup apply more smoothly
• make foundation or other makeup last longer
• control oil/shine

Cut & Blow has terrible/nonexistent customer service and you shouldn't shop there

I'm fucking pissed. Just be prepared and skip this one if that's not your jam. But I do advise against patronizing this company, so I hope this information is useful to someone. I don't want anyone getting screwed over.

A while ago, I posted about a new Essie collection that was for sale from Cut & Blow, one of the millions of new flash sale sites out there. I noted that I had never purchased from them, so caveat emptor. I should have said CAVEAT FUCKING EMPTOR, I guess. Recently, I decided to buy something from the site, but I had a simple question I wanted answered before placing my order. I had a little credit in my account from when I signed up, and I wanted to know how to apply it to my order. That's some basic fucking information for a company that offers credits. There was a tab under my account info that displayed how much credit I had. No expiry date, and no information about how to claim it. That made me realize that they have almost NO FUCKING INFORMATION whatsoever on their website. So annoying. Like what kind of business doesn't at least have a Help or FAQ section? Or, hmmm, a FUCKING CONTACT PAGE?

Yeah, I'm irritated. If you skip around the site for a while, you'll find a tiny email address on the "About Us" page. It's the same address from which they send you promotional emails, by the way. I emailed that address with my question on Sept. 25. When I got no response a few days later, I tweeted at them. Nothing. Their Twitter account hasn't been updated since August. On Sept. 30 I emailed them again. As of today, I've still heard nothing from them (10 days since I first contacted them).

Here's what has really infuriated me. Today, as I started to write this post, I went back to the website to make sure for the 1352 time that I had looked absolutely everywhere and not missed any magical source of information. And guess what? My credit is fucking gone! There is is, right at the top of the page: "My Credit: $0.00," when there was a balance there only a day or two ago. They still have a link encouraging me to invite people and get credit, and no information at all about credit expiring, ever. That's some shady shit! Did they read my emails and delete my credit? OR WHAT? I have no idea, because they will not communicate with me.

I'm just going to go ahead and not recommend that you buy anything from this company. At this point, I'd be worried about ordering something and it not showing up, or there being some other problem with my order, and there's just a complete lack of customer support. I hope that if you ordered something from them in the past, you didn't have any problems. But if you did, please comment here to let everyone know!

I'm going to link to them right now, so that maybe they can see that they're getting negative feedback, since they clearly don't pay attention to anything else. But I'm going to remove any other links to them from my site.

Why does everyone seem to like NYX cosmetics so much? What are the supposedly-stellar products they make?

You may have noticed that I haven't had much luck with the NYX products I've tried so far. The Butter Gloss is fine, though the color I have isn't flattering for me. Other than that? I don't know. Their eyeshadow primer works well enough, but you can get great primers for much cheaper. I like the packaging, and I wonder if the fact that it looks more expensive than it is, and that they make products that seem to replace more expensive things, is the real appeal. But the brand isn't particularly cheap - most of it is more expensive than your typical drugstore makeup.

The Science of Chic recently reviewed NYX's Bronze Smokey Look Kit, which looks good and has nice packaging - but as it turns out, the quality, performance, and color choices of the actual products are all sub-par.

Have you found something from NYX that was really fucking good? Actually better than the best e.l.f. and Wet N Wild choices, which are a third the price or less? What am I missing? At this point, I am ready to write them off completely.

Oh, wait, the NYX Girls nail polishes are SPECTACULAR and cost $2 each. But I tend to categorize nail polish separately from face/color cosmetics.

Save Your Face Review: Cetaphil Dermacontrol Oil Control Moisturizer with SPF 30

I'm on a mission to find the best possible replacement for my beloved, discontinued sunscreen, and this was my first attempt. Verdict? Fail. And here's why . . .

Fix Your Face Review: NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Bronze

According to the blurb on Cherry Culture, these pencils have been a NYX bestseller for years. One of the major attractions for me was the huge range of colors: Cherry Culture has 36 shades available, ranging from basic neutrals to glittery metallics to acidic neons. Regular price is $4.50 (though they're on sale for $2.99 at the moment).

I figured I couldn't go wrong with something so popular and ended up getting the Bronze shade. Despite the name, it's copper. Definitely not bronze.

Review revisited: Revlon Custom Eyes Mascara, Waterproof Formula

Originally I said that I thought this mascara was good enough to pay less than $3 for on clearance. I just threw it away, however, after only a few weeks, so I guess I've changed my mind.

The problem? I get little splatters of mascara on my upper and lower eyelids when I apply it. They are a huge pain in the ass to remove without smearing them all over. So fuck it. I'm over it.

I haven't tried the non-waterproof version yet, so the jury is out on that one.

Fix Your Face Quick Review: NYX Concealer Wand

I have the NYX Concealer Wand in Fair (a.k.a. HD Photogenic Concealer - the label and the website description give different names). As part of my search for a good, affordable concealer, I've been using it for a couple months now, both for blemishes and under my eyes, so here's what I think.

Pros:

• Good texture. It's creamy - not too thick, not too runny.
• Sets quickly, but not too quickly. You have time to blend it.
• Decent coverage. I have very light skin and dark fucking circles under my eyes (think: Uncle Fester), and this eliminates them in a natural-looking way.
• Unscented.
• Cheapish: $5.

Cons:

• Settles into lines/wrinkles under eyes. I have to blend it multiple times while I'm applying the rest of my makeup, and each time I do, some of it gets removed.
• Highlights dry skin/flakes. I think probably every concealer does, though.
• Doesn't last. 3-4 hours later, I'm a zitty vampire again. It does a better job staying put on the blemishes than the eyes. Even over primer.
• Very, very pale. The Fair shade is described as a "beige shade with pink undertones" on the NYX website, but it's so pale that it's almost white. Definitely check these out in person before buying.

For me, the cons outweigh the pros. It doesn't matter how well it camouflages my flaws if they pop up again a few hours later. This may be just because I have oily skin, but I want something that's both easy to use and lasts! And is cheap as fuck. I know it exists, somewhere. I'll keep using this until I find something better. It's not terrible. I prefer it to the Revlon ColorStay UnderEye Concealer, which I used once and then returned to CVS. It settled into lines AND didn't cover up my death rings for shit.

Fix Your Face Quick Review: Jordana Color Tint Blush Stick

I got the Jordana Color Tint Blush Stick in Pink Adore in an attempt to replace my beloved Marcelle cream blush that is 8 years old and getting a little gross.

Pros:

• Good color selection.
• Not messy.
• Small enough for travel.
• Cheap ($3).

Cons:

• Disgusting baby powder scent. I can only smell it when I'm applying, but I still could do without it.
• Very stiff and dry. You can't apply it directly to your cheeks and them blend it out. You have to rub your finger firmly across the stick itself to pick some up and then rub that on to your cheeks. 
• Sheer. I'd prefer something more pigmented so that I only have to use a little, rather than something that requires building up with multiple layers. It's too much work, and it uses too much product.
• Small. The whole package is probably just over 2 inches tall and 1 inch in diameter.
• Fades quickly. It's pretty much gone after a few hours.

Overall, I don't recommend this, though I have only tried the one shade. I linked to it just because it's sort of okay for travel, since it's small and won't break like powder, but is a solid, so you can carry it on without separating it with your other liquids. I'm going to keep looking, though.

What's your favorite affordable cream blush?

Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link.

Review: Burt's Bees Intense Hydration products

Disclaimer: I got these products free from BzzAgent.

I received full-size bottles of Intense Hydration Cream Cleanser, Intense Hydration Night Cream, and Intense Hydration Treatment Mask, as well as samples of the Day Lotion, so I tried them all. My reviews below.

First of all, let me state that I do not care about natural/organic skincare products. It’s nice that Burt’s Bees tries to reduce landfill waste. I don’t give a fuck that their products are natural or organic. That does not make them better. So that won’t factor into my review.

Second, I want to make it clear that I am absolutely not the target customer for these products. I do not have dry skin. At all. I have oily skin. On a good day, I have combination skin, but it’s really a combination of oily and normal, not dry. So I don’t really use moisturizers, as I am plenty moist naturally. I certainly don’t require “intense hydration”. Nevertheless, they sent me this shit, so I figured I’d try it out for a week. Maybe I’d been wrong all along and moisture would magically transform my skin (spoiler: I was not wrong).

Also the magical ingredient is “clary sage.” Never heard of it. Here’s what the back of the bottle says: “Deep in the windswept hills of the Mediterranean, a lone plant fights for its life against the elements. Clary Sage not only survives, but thrives in its harsh environment because of its fierce will and exceptional ability to trap and retain moisture. This remarkable botanical is the inspiration behind Burt’s Bees Intense Hydration, our natural ode to soft, supple skin.” Ah, I see. The formula is ‘inspired’ by the ‘fierce will’ of this plant. The ‘remarkable botanical’ itself probably doesn’t do fuck-all for your skin. Very clever wording there, marketing folks.