Bad Impulse: Milani Color Statement Moisture Matte Lipstick in Matte Luxe

My local CVS had all of its Milani lip products marked down to $2.99 the other day. I'd hear good things about their matte lipsticks (including that they lack the nauseating watermelon stench of the regular lipsticks), but the selection remaining on the rack was pretty skimpy. Nevertheless, I was in a Just Buy Something, Anything sort of mood, and also still regretting that I hadn't picked up Urban Decay's orange Revolution Lipstick in Tilt when it was marked down, so I grabbed Matte Luxe on impulse.

Bad impulse. It's terrible. I returned it to get my precious 3 bucks back--which is why the photos here are so bad. I had to take them indoors on a gloomy day before I took it back.

It's not just the true orange lipstick looks terrible on me and I should know that by now. The formula of this stuff is abysmal. It's as though it doesn't adhere to the surface of the lips at all, but only gets caught up in lines and dry patches. My lips were not even particularly dry the day I took this photo, but this lipstick will find any flake it can.

I think the blurriness of the photo is actually making it look better than it did in person. You can't really see the completely bare patches that were left in between the streaks.

And yes, I can't wear oranges that lean too far yellow rather than pink or red. I should stick to red-oranges or corals. In my defense, it looked redder in the store lighting. This shade drains all the color out of my face--and that, combined with the awful texture, makes me look like I've contracted some particularly strange disease.

Here's a comparison with some red-orange and coral lipsticks, which I can actually wear:

Left to right: Milani Matte Luxe, Wet N Wild Purty Persimmon, BareMinerals Light It Up, and NYX Butter Lipstick in Little Susie.

The experience just reinforces my general rule banning impulse purchases of products that I haven't seen reviewed. And also that just because some shades in a range are beloved and positively reviewed doesn't mean that the quality is consistent for the rest of them. Of course. I guess the fact that this shade was left behind and most of the nudes and pinks were gone was a sign.

Two drugstore stain glosses: Wet N Wild Fergie Vicious Varnish High Shine Lip Stain in Flawless and Milani Power Lip Lasting & Moisturizing Gloss Stain in Cabernet Blend

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It's been a while. Oops. In the meantime, I managed to get a part time job, so I'm at least nominally employed. And my cat got sick again, which makes that about the 500th time in the last year. She's fine now, but I think that if she decides she needs any additional medical care, she's going to have to get a job and stop mooching off of me.

There have been other distractions, but let's just get back to the damned makeup, shall we?

I got both of these stain-gloss things a few months ago at about the same time, so it makes sense to me to review them together.

Wet N Wild Fergie Vicious Varnish High Shine Lip Stain in Flawless and Milani Power Lip Lasting & Moisturizing Gloss Stain in Cabernet Blend

Let's start with Wet N Wild Fergie Vicious Varnish High Shine Lip Stain in Flawless ($3.50). One thing both of these products have in common is long fucking names. The Wet N Wild stuff has a really interesting, slippery, and almost gelatinous texture. Sounds nice, right? Ha. Well, the closest thing I have to it is a L'Oreal Colour Caresse Wet Shine Stain (review here), which makes sense, since that's also a stain-gloss. The L'Oreal's texture is a little stickier, though. I've never used anything quite like this Wet N Wild stain. I do like how it feels, but it might take getting used to for some people. It's packaged in your typical gloss tube with a particularly long and flexible doe foot applicator.

Wet N Wild Fergie Vicious Varnish High Shine Lip Stain in Flawless

A whole fucking dissertation on eyebrow products for blondes and redheads, plus a mini review of L'Oreal Voluminous Butterfly mascara (photo-heavy post)

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So this is the latest installation of a quasi-series in which I pull out all the products I have in from single category and try to decide what I should keep and what I should get rid of. Spoiler: I decided that I'm going to keep all of my eyebrow shit, because it's practical and really won't ever expire, so I'll use it up eventually. I did come to the radical conclusion that I should stop buying more, though. Duh.

All my eyebrow products (top to bottom): NYX Eyebrow Cake Powder in Auburn/Red; e.l.f. Studio Eyebrow Kit in Light; Milani Brow Tint Pen in Natural Taupe; CoverGirl Brow and Eye Makers in Soft Blond; Avon Ultra Luxury Eyebrow Pencil in Blonde; and Benefit Gimme Brow in Light/Medium. 

My hair color over the last few years has run the gamut from blonde-blonde to strawberry-blonde to dark-blonde to red to really-fucking-red. Some of the products below have served me well no matter my hair color, such as the e.l.f. kit and the Avon pencil. Others, like the NYX kit and the CoverGirl pencil really only well with certain hair colors - but then they work very well.

You can tell from the photo above that almost every brow product I have has been well used, so I know them intimately. Look at those stubby pencils! The one exception is Benefit's Gimme Brow, which I got as a graduation present in May. It actually came from the Benefit vending machine in the Minneapolis airport. That's a thing that exists.

In the past, when I thought about my minimum makeup - like what I'd wear if I was running out the door and only had time for a couple of things - it was always just mascara and blush. Maybe under-eye concealer. Lately, though, I feel like I can really take or leave those things so long as I've filled in my eyebrows a little. They're fairly invisible on their own, and as I've pointed out before, they really do make a difference.

I used to use the sort of technique where you define the bottom edge of the brow completely and then fill the rest in, but recently I've much preferred Lisa Eldridge's method of focusing on the peak of the arch and working lightly out from there. (If you have never watched a Lisa Eldridge video, do it some day when you're in a bad mood or stressed - trust me, she's so soothing.) This method really does create a more natural-looking effect. I do fill in the part closest to my nose more than she does, however, because that's where the hair on my brows is the lightest and thinnest. If I don't add a little extra there, my eyebrows look too far apart - I think they still do sometimes, honestly, but I'm not (yet) totally comfortable filling in where there's no real hair at all. Anyway, as you can see in the photos below, this isn't the super-defined and polished look that you tend to see in closeups of dramatic eye makeup. It doesn't look flawless. Super-defined is pretty, but it's just not what I'm going for. My brows might look a little less than perfect in a super closeup, but no one is looking as closely as my camera is getting in these photos - and the lack of perfection is what makes them look natural, I think. Here's what they usually look like at a normal distance (scroll down).

I hope you have a couple of weeks to read the rest of this post, because as usual I am long-fucking-winded.

Swatches and mini-reviews of all my retractable/automatic eyeliners

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This is another one of those posts that is the result of my swatching all of the products I own in a certain category in order to determine if I want to keep them all. I'll write a more detailed post in the near future about how I decide what's working and what's not, since I'll be moving in a couple of months, and so I'm try to sort through my hoard and do away with things I don't need. For now, here are swatches of all the retractable eyeliner pencils I own. There weren't as many as I thought before I pulled them all out! But still too many, in general.

Oops, not the best camera setting. They are all quite straight in reality.

I swatched most of my regular pencil liners (i.e. the type you have to sharpen) a while back. As a rule, twist-up liners are stiffer and/or don't set as well as pencil types (for the reasons outlined here - scroll down to #4). Some of these retractable liners are just as good as some of my pencil liners, though.

On to the swatches!

Swatches (left to right) of:

• ULTA Automatic Eye Liner in Golden Eyes (wearing it in this post) ($8)
• Avon Glow Eye-liner in Copper Paradise ($6 I think? discontinued - but still available on Amazon)
• Jordana Easyliner in Eggplant ($2)
• ULTA Smokey Eyes Automatic Eye Liner in Cobalt (wearing it in this post) ($8, discontinued, but the cobalt one here might be similar)
• Stila Smudge Stick in Blue Ribbon ($20)
• ULTA Automatic Eye Liner in Teal Blue ($8)
• Essence Long-Lasting Eye Pencil in Tu-Tu-Turquoise ($2.50)
• Milani Liquif'Eye in Green ($7)
• NYX Retractable Eye Liner in Gray ($5)

Buying things I shouldn't (in drugstore clearance sales)

Okay, I'm going to get back on schedule around here for real this time. I was swamped for a couple of weeks with a graduation (mine - you can call me Dr. Cheap now) and a wedding (not mine) in Canada, but now I have nothing to do but sit at home putting on makeup and being unemployed. That should mean more blogging for a while.

This is a short one. Just thought I'd show you what I got for about $6 at Walgreens today:

• e.l.f. Shimmering Facial Whip in Lilac Petal
• e.l.f. Luscious Liquid Lipstick in Pink Lemonade
• Milani Baked Blush in Corallina

All of these things were 50% off. Not a huge deal for the e.l.f. shit, since you can get it for that price regularly on their website, but I thought what the hell. I want to compare that Shimmering Facial Whip to Benefit High Beam, since it's supposed to be a dupe. I like the other Liquid Lipstick I have, so we'll see about this one. The Milani blush is a little more exciting. I've heard good things about this one, and $4+ isn't bad.

You can find very useful info about the Walgreens and CVS clearance sales on Nouveau Cheap. I went to CVS too, but didn't find much there except for some of the scented Revlon polishes for about $2.50. But no more nail polish for me. None!

Holiday Party Makeup: Shiny Shiny Red Cliché

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Well, it's maybe getting a little late in the month for you to be "inspired" by my holiday party makeup look, but since I'm not exactly a makeup pioneer or a brilliant photographer, who gives a shit. Mostly I just want to blog about Milani Lip Flash pencils, which I wore last December to parties too. I tend to forget about them all year, and then get really excited about them for a few weeks. They are 50% off in CVS's clearance sale, so now is a good time to pick some up. I really like Hot Flash, which looks like metallic red foil on your lips. I've said it before: when you wear this, it looks like you frenched a Christmas tree ball. Hot, indeed. I matched my nails to my lips, which I don't usually do, with Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear in Red Carpet. It's the prettiest red nail polish, period. And one of the cheapest, at around $3. You can get it pretty much anywhere. Photos are below.

Here's what these Milani lip pencils look like, but you should try to find them on sale at CVS, if you have one nearby.

Milani Lip Flash Full Coverage Shimmer Gloss Pencil in Hot Flash

It looks even more metallic in person. (I took this photo the day after the party I went to. I did a better job of coloring inside the lines when I actually wore it in public.) These pencils are easy to use, unscented and unflavored, and most of them are opaque. They wear okay. You might need to touch up if you're going to be drinking a lot of nog. Some of them are more shimmery or sparkly than foil-like, but all the ones I have a really pretty. They're definitely not subtle.

Swatches of Milani Lip Flash Full Coverage Shimmer Gloss Pencil in
Hot Flash, Flash Light, Flashy, In a Flash, and Star Flash

And on my nails I wore my favorite red polish, which I often forget about, because I don't wear red very frequently. The test of awesomeness is whether or not I stare at my nails all day like a weirdo, and with Red Carpet, I do. It's a red jelly full of small red glitter, and it's opaque in two coats. It is apparently a dupe for China Glaze Ruby Pumps.

Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear in Red Carpet

Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear in Red Carpet

My overall look was basically black gel liner with a little wing and this red metallic lip. Fucking revolutionary, I know.

Have fun painting your faces for the holidays! The longer you spend in front of the bathroom mirror, the less time you have to spend explaining to your family why you don't have kids. Or why you have so many kids. Or whatever else it is you're doing wrong.

Doubling Up with Off-label Makeup Use (eyeshadow as concealer)

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In this post I'm not talking about just buying something to use for a different purpose than the one for which it's advertised. So you might buy a darker shade of pressed powder and use it for contouring, but since you're presumably not using it as all-over powder too, you're not doubling up. I'm talking about products that you can use for their intended purpose and a secondary one (or more).

I've discovered a particularly exciting example recently (at least for me). It involves the wonderful Milani Shadow Eyez in neutral matte shades that came out in the spring. They're limited edition, but I saw them only a week ago at my local CVS, and you can get them online at from Cherry Culture and elsewhere. The one called Almond Cream makes a nice light base shadow, and you can check out swatches and a review of all of them in their intended use as eyeshadow from Nouveau Cheap.

Milani Shadow Eyez in Almond Cream and
L'Oreal True Match Super Blendable Crayon Concealer
in Fair/Light

I figured out recently that the lightest shade makes an awesome spot concealer. I have really pale, neutral skin, so concealers are often a little too pink or yellow or orange for me. The color of this pencil is really, really close to my exact skin tone. It could be a touch paler, but other than that, it's nearly perfect. It also lasts better than any actual concealer I've tried on my combination-oily skin. And I have tried so many. So fucking many. Almost everything is mostly gone after a couple of hours (with the exception of this Maybelline concealer, which is second best). The Milani stuff has even survived a nap! You just have to make sure to blend it immediately, because when it's set, it's set.

Milani Luminoso is NOT a dupe for Nars Orgasm (from Brightest Bulb in the Box)

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The Internet lied to us, everyone. Well, that would explain why Luminoso, supposedly a dupe for the "universally flattering" Orgasm, looks dreadful on me.

I'll stick with my Wet N Wild Pearlescent Pink. It's probably not an exact dupe either, but it's at least pink.

1 Year Anniversary Giveaway: Fully-fucking-stocked makeup kit (15 pieces)

I've been fucking around here for a year now, so I'm celebrating by giving you a present. Well, one of you. I put together a makeup kit that has almost everything you need to do your face and claws. I tried to include an assortment of basics and neutrals that would suit just about anyone  - and for that reason I didn't include anything skin-colored, because I don't know what shade you are, mysterious future giveaway winner. Okay, so maybe the self-tanner isn't for everyone, but whatever. To make up for the lack of skin shit, I included an assortment of nail and lip products.

20% off at Cherry Culture and drugstore.com

Cherry Culture has 20% off everything from now until March 10 with code MMM2013. You can get makeup and nail polish brands from Cherry Culture that are sometimes hard to find in stores, like NYX, Jordana, Milani, Jelly Pong, and China Glaze. This is where I got the NYX nail polishes I posted about here and here. I have a tube of this $3 Jordana mascara that is supposed to be the shit, but I haven't tried it out yet. I also have this $1.49 lip balm in strawberry, and it is fucking good. I'm picky about lip balm. Most of them actually make my lips drier, but that one doesn't. They have a bunch of China Glaze polishes for $4, including the Bohemian Collection duochromes. These Milani Lip Flash pencils are crazy metallic and awesome.

Okay, that's probably enough recommendations, but if you want more, just ask. They also have a good sale section that's worth checking out. The prices above are before the sale discount, by the way. Shipping is free on orders over $40. Note that order processing from Cherry Culture can be pretty slow, and there are no returns on items bought during this sale.

If there's nothing there you want, drugstore.com is also having a 20% off sale on everything in the beauty department (so that includes skin care, hair care, makeup, etc.).

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Project Swatch's Comparison of the Old and New Milani Lipstick Formulas

Very useful! Remember when I did this with Milani Black Cherry?

No? It doesn't matter. Apparently the new formula is much better and won't make my lips all weird and patchy like that.

I've heard only really glowing reviews of the new Milani lipsticks. I want some!

Fix Your Face: Garish Holiday Party Edition

Last night I violated the one feature rule, i.e. go dramatic on your eyes or lips, not both. But I'm not very good at rules. Also if you can't put shiny shit all over your face for a dimly-lit holiday party, when can you? I also lined my lower waterline for the first time. That's when you put eyeliner on the rim of your lid between the lashes and eyeball. I was worried I would just end up with watery eyes with black goo all in them, but it worked out pretty well. And I actually got a bunch of compliments on my makeup at the party (one included the word "glamorous"!) so I call that a success. My overdone face below the cut:

Fix Your Face: Milani Brow Tint Pen

When I bought this a couple of weeks ago and tried it that night, I was super excited to review it, because it was AMAZING.


Then the next morning I used it again so that I could take photos … and it wasn’t quite so amazing anymore.

What I really liked about it the first night was how saturated and inky it was. By the next morning it seemed like it had completely dried out, and I was pissed.

It turns out it wasn’t actually dry, and I figured out that the trick to getting it to work is that you have to set it upside down for a few seconds to get the tint to flow to the tip before you use it. They say to store it horizontally to make it last. And then you have to kind of hold it bottoms up while you’re using it to keep it flowing, which can be awkward.

Anyway, having figured out how to make it work, I do still like it. What I especially like about it is that, since it’s a thin liquid, it actually darkens the hair on my eyebrows, instead of just coloring the skin behind them like most powders (and even pencils) do. I have invisible blond eyebrows, so this is great. It does add color underneath to fill in gaps too, and it’s nice and precise. Plus it lasts all day and then some. I still have eyebrows when I go to bed at night! It costs $6.

Today I’m wearing Milani Lip Color in Black Cherry (less than $5). It’s a totally different look for me. I usually go with pinks that are close to my actual lip color. This is actually quite a bit darker/more purple than it appears in the photo, but I couldn’t adjust it to look quite right.

It’s not goth - it’s vampy! Fuck you!

I don’t know if I’ll ever have the nerve to actually wear this out of the house.