Cheap Duds

This is not about clothes. This is about cheap products that seemed promising or that I’d heard good things about, but that suck. Or at least, suck for me. YMMV and all that.

• Maybelline Great Lash Mascara

Every time I pick up a magazine, some makeup artist is suggesting this. I don’t get it. It does nothing for me. My lashes are barely anything thicker or longer than they were before I used it. Darker, I guess. But like I’ve said before, I think mascara’s quality and effectiveness is highly dependent on the person using it. This might be right for your lashes, but it’s not for mine. There’s no universal mascara that is perfect for everyone, in my experience.

• Rimmel Stay Matte Pressed Powder

It works well enough, I guess. I mean, it does what it’s supposed to do. The thing I hate about it is the smell. It’s nasty. It smells like old school scented makeup. Like your grandma’s old Avon makeup,* you know? Gross. I just keep smelling it when it’s on my face, and it makes me feel grimy. Also, there aren’t a lot of shades and none of them was quite right for me.

* Not that there’s anything wrong with Avon. They have lots of good shit!

• Revlon ColorBurst Lip Butter in Tutti Frutti

I honestly don’t get the big deal about these Revlon Lip Butters in general. So many people are in love with them. I mean, they’re okay. They’re sort of moisturizing and they look pretty good and there are lots of colors. But they don’t last very long, and I don’t think they’re special.

I’m particularly not fond of this color for personal reasons. It was a bad purchase for me. I have pretty dark pink lips, and this is so sheer, that it just barely shows up at all. And since I can’t wear orange lipstick, it just shows up enough to make me look sickly. Waste of money. I should have known better.

• NYX Studio Liquid Liner

Okay, this one I just think is a poorly designed product. It has this long, really thin brush, and a sort of runny but gooey consistency (imagine nail polish), so it clings pretty thick to the brush. If you try to wipe the brush on the tube before you use it, the line is too thin and patchy. Putting on multiple layers can cause the first ones to come off. But if you leave all the goo on the brush, it gets stuck to your eyelashes and has a tendency to splatter/smear everywhere. Because it dries quickly and is waterproof, it’s a pain in the ass to clean up. Plus it sort of dries into a weird plasticky line on your lid that will flake/peel if you are at all sweaty or oily. Just not impressed with this shit at all.

Here’s what I mean about it globbing on to my lashes when I use it. I know it’s a strange photo, but see the little droplets of liquid eyeliner attached to my lashes? Fucking annoying.

• Any benzoyl peroxide acne treatment

Just does not work for me at all. I’ve tried half a dozen brands at least. These are supposed to be the gold standard, but no. Again, they work for some other people, but not for me. I need to stop buying them! I’ve started to try tea tree oil instead and so far so good. It’s too soon for a real verdict - we’ll see how it copes with hormonal cystic acne.

• Any Dove brand deodorant

These used to be my favorite! They were all I used. I don’t know if it’s my body chemistry now, or if they changed their formula, but the last ones I’ve bought control neither wetness nor odor, so they’re pretty fucking useless. I’ve switched to Mitchum Women’s Advanced Control lately, and it’s fantastic.

• Any BB cream

They almost universally contain titanium/zinc, i.e. physical/mineral sunscreen, and that shit makes me break out like crazy. So disappointing, because they make my skin look good. Some people are sensitive to chemical sunscreens, but I love them and can’t handle the mineral ones.

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